Stronger Spirit

Salam 'alayk and heyya guys!

I have always looked upon to people who always stand up, fight through their struggles, and go for what they want. People who seems like nothing is holding them down. People who can do anything just with themselves.

Pregnant mothers, mothers with kids, people with terminal illnesses, or just people who lack support for what they do.

What I'm feeling right now, is barely half, not even a quarter of what these people experienced. But I'm already feeling tired, devastated, hopelss, there's nothing else I can do. I wish I can be like them.

I am so weak.

There is so many things to do while at home. But I can't seem to get myself to do it. I don't want this a-week-short holiday gone to waste like that. This is the time where I can bond with my parents, this is the time where I can give them some rest. But then, the thing I'm experiencing is halting my spirit, and it goes plummet downward.

Can I borrow the people I looked upon to spirits? Can't they lend me whatever it is thats pushing them? My tribulation is nothing compared to them.

How am I this weak?

The last time I felt like this was when I was sitting for SPM. This is so tiring.


You can do this Kemy. You can.

The Utmost Confident

Salam 'alayk!

Ever since secondary school, when I began to exposed with news and current issues, I got my head wrap on a lot of things. One of it is, how do I raise a child (of my own when I'm married, or adopted child) in this world, and protect him/her from all negativity, harm, and all those things that I wouldn't want my child to see?

This question occurred to me as I see a lot of social problems surrounding me, and as I acknowledge the struggle of parents on raising a child (what more children!), I realised that we as parents (future parent in my case) can control only a small part of a small part of our child life!

I feel nervous and scared when I think of that.

Why I said that because as parents we only have authority on our child over what we see. We can supervise what they watch on tv or Youtube, we can look over who their friends are on social media, we watch over their attitude and verbal usage while at home. BUT NOT WHAT THEY DO OUTSIDE HOME! Out of our sight!

We don't know what kind of friends/classmates they have at school, and the friends background. We don't know what they see or hear along the way of their life growing up. Even worse, we don't know how their mind works! How they perceive things, good things or bad things, things they wanted to try to do, things they adore, figures that they look up to.

...and this thought lead to another thought (apabila sel-sel otak berhubungi inilah hasilnya).

We have never had a total control on things in our life. It is not for us to do that. In our effort on planning and enforcement, we tend to forget the Most Powerful Being that is in power of our life. God. Allah.

This is where our reliance upon God is needed, tested. This is where tawakkal works after we've done our part on effort. We do our absolute best, and we put the rest in the hands of God (please don't take hands literally... this is not Quranic lesson we're taking).


We pray. We pray with all our heart to protect our child (in this case of thought) from all bad things, all bad men, whenever they are out of our sight, even they're in our sights. We pray with our most confidence in God that God will protect our child, give this child blessings in so many ways.

Our faith, in Islam, puts so much importance in belief in Allah. Our Helper. Who we turn to whenever we're lost, sad, or happy.

I just want to emphasis on how important it is to put our utmost reliance upon God. This apply on our whole life, every aspect of our living.

Whatever we do, whenever we're worried about something, pray, and believe in God. He'll do the best for us. He knows what's best for us.

May Allah guides us in everything that we do. Ameen

Current state of mind

Assalam 'alayk and good day guys!

It's been a fairly good semester and I've been enjoying myself with busy days and overdue notes, so yeah. It's great!

No no I'm not being sarcastic! Seriously I feel like I am happy right now, I have no major issues to deal with, non of that overdramatic events to make my life miserable, just everyday things that always kept my life cluttering. huhu

It's a normal thing, right? I mean, no one could ever possibly have that joyous feelings till eternity that it reaches the 7th heaven, unless he/she is crazy. Everyone have their own problems, and that problems are what make life beautiful, and unique. 

It's just that, rather than stressing my brain over endless issues, my brain just can't stop thinking over factless things, or it gets curious over random things.

Like, do fate really get twisted with two persons who are not supposed to meet but just got themselves entwined? Or does human eye perceive lights as rays/wave or its the light particles that hit the eye?

Reaaaally random.

Plus with all those annoying irritating hot issues on socmed, particularly twitter on child marriage, LGBTQ+ (I still don't get what that Q and + stand for), laundrette cases, manners, and so on. I even got myself caught in an argument with a stranger on child marriage. ... I really hate it when a person virals a statement that he/she disagree with. It's just, childish. You want to argue/debate, then use your rational not your emotion. #sigh

BTW, I am totally hooked on water colouring! It is comforting, my form of healing. Especially the wet on wet technique, I just pat on some colour and let the water nature work on it. Just beautiful and wonderful! My works all caught on skies, nature, and galaxies. Because that are what work best with wet on wet technique, I can use trains of colours and voila!- a new eye-catching art has done.

Anyway, I just uninstalled Instagram on my phone, because I found it distracting. Not only in the form of constantly-looking-at-my-phone, but also in the form attention-seeking. Attention seeking is not healthy, and I think I'm at the bridge of entering that zone. So, gotta calm myself and go back with the real world. #andalsoavoidingthatcertainsomeone

Have a nice day, and may Allah bless us all!