Monday, February 26, 2018

A miniscule step into adulthood, with Headache!

Salam'alayk guys!

It's the 4th week of the semester, and here I am today in misery thinking of my internship.

Courtesy of Mr. Ever Generous Google

There are so many things to do! I have to look for possible placement, study them, then work on my CV and resume (I'm gonna die for this! I barely have anything to fit into my CV!), and on top of that I DO want to intern at big GLC or MNC company that can benefit me in so many ways so I can prep myself for the after-graduation world!!!


I'm not sure if I'm the only one who get headache and worrisome over internship. Because I do have some expectations and targets for my future career. One thing important is I don't want to work at some jabatan agama Islam.

But whatever about all that, now how am I going to build my resume and CV and make them appealing and yummy to my targeted future employers?

I've searched for some tips regarding CV, and I believe it is during this golden period of studies I can expand my expertise and knowledge with ease (or at lesser price). Some of the tips are to go for workshops, outside classes (like IIUM SMART offers Academic Literature Review class, or SPSS at cheaper price for students), or even signing up for online classes (there are loads of them for free!).

ALSO it is suggested for me to join any extra-curricular activities (which I was good at only during CFS and highschool) or get myself a leadership title with huge burden on my shoudlers. Hah. Honestly I've stopped joining any lineup or organising committee (I used to enjoy being one) because I feel it'd be tiresome to have night meetings at the center of the campus, and to rush for dues while studying for classes and assignments. I just need to concentrate on my studies (which starting to unsink from the deep sea).

And... lastly to totally benefit the internship with softskills and so on. When the purpose of me doing my CV for internship. *sigh.

Any idea guys? I reaaaally want to intern at big company so I can learn more on how an organisation operate at organise manner when the business is from east to the west. And also so I can work on my career plan.

Still working on it. working on it. .. ...

and I know my 2018 resolution is to write twice within a week. I'm so good at bluffing.

...Chayyok Kemy!

p/s: took the CV tips from The Guardian

Sunday, January 21, 2018

Pandangan Terhadap Tarbiah Sentap

Assalamualaikum dan salam sejahtera!

Tarbiah Sentap di sini bukanlah sejenis cara mentarbiah orang dengan kasar dan sinis, tetapi Tarbiah Sentap yang akan diulaskan adalah penerbitan Tarbiah Sentap, buku-buku Tarbiah Sentap yang diterajui oleh Ustaz Adnin Roslan.

 Saya mula mengenali tentang Tarbiah Sentap pada awal-awal tahun pengajian asasi di PJ, status-status Tarbiah Sentap di Facebook kerap dikongsikan oleh rakan-rakan kerana isinya yang begitu jelas dan terang tanpa berdalih. Kemudian, saya juga ada baca blog Tarbiah Sentap, atas dasar ingin tahu, dan rasa ingin membaca, sebab kenapa tidak?

Tarbiah Sentap tidaklah mengutuk atau menghentam individu-individu atau organisasi secara spesifik, bagi saya mereka hanyalah menyebutkan apa yang sedang berlaku pada zaman penuh hiburan ini, dan menghuraikan hukum-hukumnya dalam Islam sama ada ianya harus, sunat, wajib, makruh ataupun haram.

Sejujurnya saya suka membaca tulisan-tulisan Tarbiah Sentap sebab ianya sangat jelas dan tidak berlapik dengan kata-kata manis. Tarbiah Sentap tidak cuba menghalalkan apa yang haram, sebaliknya teguh dengan ajaran Islam dengan setegasnya.

Untuk sebilangan orang, mungkin cara ini sedikit ekstrem. Kalau diikutkan apa yang dianjurkan oleh Tarbiah Sentap, begitu banyak sekali amalan harina kita hari ini (termasuk saya juga) yang boleh mendorong kita ke arah keburukkan, atau bahasa 'buku-agama': ke lembah kehinaan.

Saya yakin itulah sebabnya mereka namakan penerbitan dan buku-buku mereka Tarbiah Sentap. Kerana isinya begitu jujur dan telus mengenai keadaan Islam zaman kini, yang membuatkan ramai yang tersentap dan terasa sendiri kerana sedarnya betapa sasarnya mereka dari jalan yang sepatutnya.

Tiga siri buku Tarbiah Sentap, dan 2 buku lain terbitan Tarbiah Sentap saya miliki dan baca.

Dari Kiri: Tarbiah Sentap 3, Tarbiah Sentap 2, Tarbiah Sentap, Momento, Kerna Syurga Bukan Percuma

WALAUBAGAIMANAPUN betapa bagus usaha-usaha penerbitan Tarbiah Sentap ini, begitu ramai yang saya jumpa meluahkan rasa bahawa Tarbiah Sentap ini penuh dengna negativiti.

Kata mereka, Nabi saw tidak menganjurkan tarbiah atau didikan secara sentap, berdakwah haruslah berhikmah, tarbiah secara kasar hanya akan membawa umat Islam menjauh dari Islam.

Saya rasa begitu banyak persoalan tentang pandangan-pandangan mereka mengenai Tarbiah Sentap ini.

Pertama, pernahkah mereka membaca tulisan-tulisan, hasil dan buku-buku Tarbiah Sentap?
Kedua, tahukan mereka apa maksud berdakwah secara berhikmah?
Ketiga, mereka menafikan Tarbiah Sentap atau mereka menyedapkan hati sendiri?

Siri buku Tarbiah Sentap

Persoalan-persoalan ini timbul difikiran kerana tidaklah bacaan saya tulisan Tarbiah Sentap ini kasar dan sinis dalam berdakwah atau menegur. Bagi saya, Tarbiah Sentap hanyalah direct to the point dalam menyampaikan dakwah mereka, yang juga mengikut Al-Quran dan Sunnah. Segala isi kandungan Tarbiah Sentap begitu rapat kaitannya dengan masalah sosial di kalangan remaja kini, dan inilah antara usaha mereka untuk membantu masyarakat berubah ke arah yang lebih baik.

Mengenangkan hal ini, sejujurnya saya rasa mereka-mereka yang menafikan Tarbiah Sentap ini, hanyalah kerana mereka mendengar Tarbiah Sentap dan terus membayangkan dakwah-dakwah yang penuh sinis dan cercaan tanpa membaca isi-isinya, ataupun mereka dalam self-denial kerana begitu banyak isi yang dikemukakan dalam tulisan Tarbiah Sentap kena padanya.

Ini adalah tulisan di belakang setiap siri buku Tarbiah Sentap, Untuk Siapakah Buku Tarbiah Sentap Ini.

Pada pendapat saya, Tarbiah Sentap hanyalah ingin menyedarkan Umat Islam, terutamanya dalam kalangan remaja bahawa hidup ini tak selamanya, dan hidup di dunia ini adalah ujian. Sesungguhnya kita bernafas dengan izin Allah, dan kita bernafas juga untuk Allah. 

Untuk mereka-mereka yang menafikan tulisan-tulisan Tarbiah Sentap dengan alasan tarbiah yang sentap itu tidak bermanfaat, pergilah lihat akaun Twitter Iblis Terlaknat dan bagaimana akaun tersebut berdakwah secara sinis dan sentap. Dan lihat juga jumlah followers dan retweets.

Mereka-mereka yang menafikan Tarbiah Sentap tidak dapat menerima hakikat tentang kebenaran yang terdapat dalam tulisan-tulisan Tarbiah Sentap. 

Akaun Twitter Iblis Terlaknat tidaklah salah bagi saya, malah akaun tersebut sebenarnya juga berusaha untuk berdakwah dengan caranya tersendiri. Mungkin orang suka kerana bahasanya yang 'muda', jika dibandingkan 'buku-agama' Tarbiah Sentap.

Sekian, pendapat dan pandangan saya berkenaan Tarbiah Sentap.

Tuesday, January 2, 2018

WELCOME 2018! New Year New Self, eh really?

Salam and hey guys!

Hope it's not too late to make a welcome post on refreshing 2018!

It's refreshing because I think it's been quite a ride on 2017 globally; the Trump issues (he's made A LOT), Jerusalem and Al-Quds Masjid, and to go particular in Malaysia people have been so anxious about incoming General Election which could come in anytime by now (a gently reminder for you guys to register as voter if you haven't!). Then some gossips on certain celebrities, news on death of SHInee Jonghyun and the issue came after within Muslims. In general, I can say that maybe to some people 2017 has been bad for them.

So hence the refreshing 2018! People have many expectations on incoming days and months, new year marks new events and focus!

Let's hope that most of us can focus on positive and brighter things this year!

Talking about welcoming new year, on social media like Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook the hashtag #NewYear has been trending since 30th Disember, alongside captions "New year new self", "Time to open new book", or of some sorts.

I generally don't really celebrate the event of New Year. It's just a normal day for me, maybe some reminder that it's 2018 now and not 2017 because I often wrote past year for dates, and that is embarassing. huhu

But somehow this time I wanted to make a different; making some resolutions and goals for 2018. I've entered 21 of age, and I think it's best if I make some notes on what I should change or whether I've improved as I aged. It's more on self-reflection really.

So these are my resolutions that I've chosen for 2018 (so I can keep up with them).

3.     WAKE UP AT 6AM


It's not much, I know. There's only two for my studies, and the rest are more to self-organizing and spiritual matter. I believe that if I could improve on my daily schedules, eliminate procrastinating, my studies will improve too!

(OH and see that no. 15? Once two weeks isn't much to people but knowing myself... Better starts slow!)

I even wrote it up on my bujo so I can keep track of them on my daily routines! (or monthly).

However, even though I got myself 20 goals and resolutions to improve myself throughout the year, I wouldn't use the phrase "new year new self". Stepping into 2018 doesn't mean I've become a new person. I may shed some negativity and tried to be in new perspectives, but that is not me transforming into a new person.

People don't change overnight. It's difficult if they want to. In this new year, I am still myself, I am still with my personality, but better. I am proud of what I have become, and I will change what I am not proud of.

Not just that, I'm not approve of using "time to open new book", because that means I'm going to close 2017 and shut it behind. If I put my past behind my sights, I won't be able to see what I've done, what I've achieved in the past year. I can't learn from my past mistakes, and see what I should change. 

I don't know about other people, but I just don't agree on being a new person on new year or any other day and putting our pasts behind. It's not that I like to drag on and think of the past, it's about what I can learn from it, make new things with it.

Either way, I've given you guys my thoughts on celebrating new year and 20-New-Year-Resolutions!

May we all achieve our goals this year and be a better self for ourselves and people surrounding!

p/s: It's never late to start, or to change! New year is just a date, you can start anytime you want to, but it's best to be soon!

Wednesday, December 27, 2017

Lessons from Kimi Ni Todoke (both manga and anime)

Salam 'alayk guys! And good morning too!

So as I have promised, I will talk/discuss/type on further about one of my favourite anime/manga ever, Kimi Ni Todoke! (although it's been a month already).

I'm sure everyone who likes anime and manga have heard of this title and even watched them, the anime and live action movie! The live action movie is just so cute and adorable, I love the actress that portrays Kuronuma.

So cute.

Ok ok. Back to topic. I first watched the anime, then read the manga (because I couldn't get over how cute Kuronuma*Kazehaya). Therefore I'll start with what I've learnt from the anime, then from manga, because the manga is still ongoing and has extended until their 3rd year of high school (the story starts from freshman year).

First of all, I don't know if I'm the only who feels this, but from the anime I can assume that the Japanese are so expressive with their feelings..?? Like they will just say out loud what's been on their mind, with honesty, and I think that is really cool. It seems like they prefer to have the other party to understand how they have been feelings, or it's just Kuronuma.. hahaha

Second, Kuronuma is such a tidy and optimistic girl! Can I borrow her optimism for the rest of my life??!!!

Third, honestly there's not much that I took lesson of from the anime.

What really impacted on is the manga.

Only one point.

It is how the classroom teacher, actually told the students to think of what they wanted to do after high school when they were only junior in highschool. They still have 2 more years until graduation, but they have been pushed to think of their future, of what they wanted to do, whether they want to stay and help with family business, or further studies in universities, and if they choose the latter one they would have to think on their preferred profession, WITH THE GUIDE OF THE TEACHER!

You see, in Japan, they teach the students to plan their future. They teach the students to find what they want to do, and help them to pursue it. They are trying to fully utilize their human resource by not wasting every talent and interest the students have!

Meanwhile in Malaysia, at least when I was still in school, people just asked "what's your ambition?", "what you wanted to do in the future?" just to fulfill the introduction requirement for ice breaking. No going further than whats-your-ambition.

Back then there were lots of typical answers: teachers, policemen, pilot, doctors. Even one time I opened Biology textbook to look for an answer, and I picked virologist. (Hey, I did get A for my Bio!). Students were encouraged to have doctor or engineer as their ambition, but were never guided on how to reach them. Oh wait, they did! "If you want to be a doctor you have to get straight A's for SPM!". Fullstop.

That's it. THAT WAS IT.

Watching and reading Kimi Ni Todoke make me realised how much I wasted my teens not planning my life career. How I've been missing on my interests and passions.

Why I said so?

Because after SPM, I didn't know what I wanted to pursue. I've always have this vision of owning a book-cafe, but majoring in Business Admin was not an option (I'm sure my father be against it due to tight job market). I like sciences but I couldn't continue in Matriculation Science stream because the one I got offered was like at the end of the world and my mom wouldn't want it. 

I didn't filled in my UPU with science major because my mom predicted I wouldn't be able to make it, because I had hard time with addmaths (but I do like maths and got B for addmaths). 

And in the end, I guess I was lost and I didn't study well about options available I ended in Islamic courses for my undergrad studies. It's not bad, really, but my weakest point, even weaker than addmaths is Arabic language, so I had to struggle a lot, I even broke down and dysfunction few times.

My point here is, I feel so regretful I didn't find out what I like, what I wanted to do before I finished my SPM. Now, after few years, I know I like maths (always), I like history, arts, business. These are the things that I have passion on and I found it a bit later than I should.

Feeling this way, I think non of my juniors should feel lost after SPM, or feeling discouraged in college, just because it's not what they wanted to do. Students deserve better.

If they say they wanted to be a teacher, then explain to them that they need to go to UPSI for best options, need get straight A's to be accepted. Doctor? A+ for sciences subjects, and if they want to pursue it overseas, see which scholarship suits them, so they know how to strive.

Highschool/Secondary school students need to be guided on how they are going to achieve their ambitions, so they know what they wanted to do. Don't let them study hard for the sake of brilliant SPM results, only to get lost after. Make them study so they can get what they want, so they can do what they wanted to do.

Don't be like me.

Tuesday, October 31, 2017


Salam guys!

I'm taking a break from midnight tasks, so right now I'm gonna tell you guys what I'm currently hooked on and my crushes!

Oh. My. God.

I just got 3 new crushes!

Ok ok.

It all started back in last semester, when almost everytime I entered Maryam's cube/box/compartment, she'd be watching some animes or,,, animes. In her hard disk she got like dozens (or hundreds) of anime series or movies!

Sometimes I'd watch from her behind, because I was that leisure tho I had lots of works. huhu. Then I remembered that some of my friends commented/posted something on Facebook regarding this one anime, Haikyu!. So I asked Maryam if she have them, and she does!

Therefore, there you go, how I started my first crush. (HAHA YOU THOT WHO HUMAN?!) The thing is, once I start something, liking something, fell into some dark twinkles well, I won't be able to crawl out anymore.

Kageyama is cool okay! And through Haikyu! too I've gotten in love with volleyball. You open my youtube app, there'd be some volleyball videos of some super liberos or setters. I even know Arisa Sato now... *sigh

Then, my second crush! I doubt many of you heard of this anime, it's a bit old, horror, and the ending is hung. ugh.

GHOST HUNT! Come on if you haven't watch Ghost Hunt you gotta watchi it now!

It has only 1 season, around 25 episodes I think? Really love the settings, how different characters fit with each other, the humors, and the egoistic main character ( I wouldn't say hero) : NARU!

Gaaahhh he's so handsome and charming and genius and goodness! But his mountain high ego is annoying though. (But that's what makes him even more charming) -SEE ME GETTING HOOKED!

Lastly! I've seen this anime and the life action long before, but I felt like watching it again.

This is the anime that has left the most impact on me. It got me thinking deep on my life decisions, whether I'm living it right, things that I should've done in secondary school (high school anime yup!), and my future. Seriously, just how much this anime affected me, I got my mind on it for a whole two weeks doubting myself (the side effect of this anime), and Ireadtheongoingmangatilltheendforoneday.

I know! I know! I wasted my midterm break on this anime!

Kimi Ni Todoke!

Seeing how deep this anime/manga gotten into me, I'm gonna dedicate a new post just for this anime, and how it affect me.

Third crush: KAZEHAYA-KUN!!!

Oh super love.

P/s: I  even watched Special A (and regretted a bit) , not my kind of anime
P/p/s: Sherr said to me: Embrace your inner otaku ( I was never the kind that watches anime)

Gnight and have a good day pals!

Meet my crushes (and they crush my heart!)

guess who is who!

Saturday, September 30, 2017

Laundry hygiene

Salam 'alayk guys!

Before I enter tertiary education, I have never ever seperated from my family, my comfort for more than a week. I've never been to school hostels, camps, and so on where I have to be totally independent of my days and myself.

So, getting into UIA is my first experience, and there's a lot of things I need to learn, including doing laundry.

But honestly, I'm not that kind of brat who don't know how to use washing machine, or doing washing clothes by hand, what's softener, and so on. Sometimes at home I washed my clothes by hand too, mostly to cleanse spilled drinks/food on clothes, or just to whiten my school socks (washing machine doesn't work on my socks).

Plus, I've been taught by my mom that fresh clothes from laundry need to be taken care of carefully. Like, in the process of transferring clothes from washing machine to laundry basket, you can't let them touch anything else, because 1) they're clean 2) they're wet clean. So it's easy for the 'clean' to be contaminated.

So now, in college, I don't get it, how on Earth the sisters here don't know the art of doing laundry!

Just now I was using the laundry room, and as usual I would make a timer on my phone so no one would touch my clothes when their turn has come to use the machine (because you never know how they handle your clothes from the machine to your laundry basket). And I was late just for 1 or 2 MINUTES!

I stormed down the stairs, barged into the laundry room, only to look at a SISTER trying to put my FRESH-OUT-OF-MACHINE CLOTHES into my laundry basket while they're still TANGLED TO EACH OTHER and my basket fell and my clothes TOUCHED THE FLOOR!


I don't know if she really doesn't care about fresh laundry or she's just being selfish because it's not her clothes.

She saw me and asked, "is it yours?", and I just said yeah, not once looking at her, continue handling my clothes from hand, and she did not deserve my smile or gratitude whatsoever.


Now I have to wash the contaminated clothes again.

So now since I'm agitated about what had happened, and in an attempt to avoid that happening again, I'm gonna list what to do when the clothes owner haven't come to retrieve them from the washing machine because you need to use it.

1) Look for the laundry basket. Then take a look at the size of the basket and volume of the clothes, is it balance or not?

2) If the laundry basket is more than enough for the clothes, then it's ok.

3) If the clothes doesn't look like it's gonna fit into the basket, you gotta see if the owner put any laundry bag into the washing machines, because that will gonna be the last one into the basket.

4) Start transferring the clothes. But remember to untangle them, and crumple them so they won't fall away or touches  the floor.

5) Prioritize the undies or small clothes, so they won't fall out of the basket since they're at the bottom.


7) Lastly, make sure the washing machine is empty before you start throwing in your dirty clothes.

Hope you guys don't experience this thing like I did, and also hoping the sisters in UIA know the essence of being hygienic!

Friday, August 4, 2017

Reminders and Reflections

Salam alayk guys.

I'm writing this in the middle of the night, and I've have this thought for quite a long time now, and I need to get it out.

First of all, maybe some of you guys have know this, that I'm majoring in Usuluddin and Comparative Religion. Bachelor of Islamic Revealed Knowledge and Heritage.

So the things I learn at college is all about Islam. I take classes on basic Science of Quran, Science of Hadiths, Islamic Jurisdiction, Arabic and so on. But I mostly focus on the philosophy of Islam, Muslim scholars, and most importantly I learn about other religions.

Since I took all those classes, people around me have the expectation that I'd be more knowledgeable than them about Islam. They expect me to be the perfect example. Some called me ustazah, although I dislike the callings but I'd just ameen them.

To be honest, I don't feel comfortable with that. With people that sees me as a person who knows hukm, fluent in Arabic, reads Quran perfectly, displays good characters like how wives of Prophet pbuh did.

Because that is not me. I know that I should know all about that, that their expectations are considered as 'normal' for an IRK student like me. But that's not me. I don't grow up in very Islamic surrounding. Non in my family went to religious school. Non of us have this religious activity where we recites Quran together. We don't have stocks of Islamic books for references.

I grew up as how other kids did. My parents were teachers, they taught me what is basic for Muslim to know. I never went to afternoon religious school when I'm sitting for UPSR.

It's just that my sisters took Arabic for PMR, so I did too. Just that the decision I made that makes me different from my sisters was to wear a longer hijab at school, which I received from my bestfriend. But even then my mom was against me.

Only that my friend was persuasive to see me in that hijab I tried to be strong to wear it. A huge step indeed. But not everyone was supportive. Only my closest friend support me. The others called me hypocrite and such due to my abrupt changes. Thanks to my friend, I've succeeded going through it.

After PMR, I only see it to be the right thing to stay in Arabic classes. Such a waste to leave it, even though it was not my strongest subject. My friends were with me.

For university entrance, I have to admit, this course is definitely not what I really wanted now. I wanted to pursue in science course, but I couldn't, and didn't. I got offered for science matriculation, but it was too far from home, so when I got offer for this course I have to take this one. The mistake I did was I didn't apply for changing course when I was in foundation.

But honestly, sometimes I think it's a blessing I'm studying this course. The reason is that I'd get constant reminder to not stray afar, to be good, then I'm surrounded by good friends. Non of my coursefriends are giving bad influence to me. If this course has done any good to me, is to keep me safe from all the bad things in this world. It is hard to stay on the straight path once you're out of your parents' sights.

Nevertheless, since I'm in my best interest for this course, I have to struggle a lot. For another matter, I'm not the best among my friends, among my batch. Sometimes I feel like I'm studying for the sake of exam, not for the knowledge. I feel so bad. Plus when outsiders ask me Islam related questions, I have to confirm with myself, "do I really know the answer?'.

I hate with such expectations. BECAUSE I'M NOT THAT PERSON!

I admit that I want to strive to be the best Muslim. I want to read more, perform more in terms of ibadah, but the things is I'm just a normal human being with a normal brought up.

Things that I like sometimes aren't align with what people see towards IRK students. I like fashion, I like makeup, I listen to songs, sometimes I dance. I also watch movies, I even go to the cinema. I wish I could do shopping, and I like pretty things. All these girly things. It's in me.

Goodness even if I transform myself to be a super-ustazah like I'm sure those around me will have hard time with me.

Now all that above is the first thing. To tell you who I am. Next I'll tell how Allah loves me.

As a muslims who learns all about Islam and how to spread it, of course it gives a lot of advantage for me, on the spiritual side. Not spiritual side as in I'm religious in my sunah prayers, and all sort of things. But, you know, somehow you're kept safe by Allah, like those huffaz. Something like that.

So, what I want to tell is I'm not a perfect Muslim. Far from it. Not even near those makciks who went tilawah classes. Or men that pray congregationally for all 5 prayers everyday. Or even muslims that are going through changes.

In fact, I feel like I'm a bad Muslim. I don't think I deserve Jannah, but I do want to be in it, desperately. I realize the sins I made, and how grave it is since I know the hukm of it.

Sometimes, I go with my heart eventhough I know it's not the best thing to do.

But you see, when I meet people, who don't have the golden opportunity to study Islam like me, mentioned to me what's considered normal to them their good deeds, I feel stabbed. Crushed. Like, these people, who never went to religious schools, or very religious background, have made efforts to show their love towards Islam more than me.

Like one time, we were talking about group tilawah, 1 day 1 page, and then this one person mentioned that he actually feel burdened on how the members rushed to finish reciting Quran, that if he filled his limited free time to recite his dedicated part rushingly, how is he going to do some tadabbur or read the tafsir?

That, really kills me. That person actually make effort to understand Quran, but I did almost nothing.

That is just one example of how I think I'm being reminded by Allah to do more.

Goodness I feel like really bad seeing I am today. Have I astray? I don't know.

I pray that Allah will keep me in Islam, and guide me to a better life. and I need to practice repentance prayer (solat taubat).

May Allah guide us to His blessings, ameen.