The Utmost Confident

Salam 'alayk!

Ever since secondary school, when I began to exposed with news and current issues, I got my head wrap on a lot of things. One of it is, how do I raise a child (of my own when I'm married, or adopted child) in this world, and protect him/her from all negativity, harm, and all those things that I wouldn't want my child to see?

This question occurred to me as I see a lot of social problems surrounding me, and as I acknowledge the struggle of parents on raising a child (what more children!), I realised that we as parents (future parent in my case) can control only a small part of a small part of our child life!

I feel nervous and scared when I think of that.

Why I said that because as parents we only have authority on our child over what we see. We can supervise what they watch on tv or Youtube, we can look over who their friends are on social media, we watch over their attitude and verbal usage while at home. BUT NOT WHAT THEY DO OUTSIDE HOME! Out of our sight!

We don't know what kind of friends/classmates they have at school, and the friends background. We don't know what they see or hear along the way of their life growing up. Even worse, we don't know how their mind works! How they perceive things, good things or bad things, things they wanted to try to do, things they adore, figures that they look up to.

...and this thought lead to another thought (apabila sel-sel otak berhubungi inilah hasilnya).

We have never had a total control on things in our life. It is not for us to do that. In our effort on planning and enforcement, we tend to forget the Most Powerful Being that is in power of our life. God. Allah.

This is where our reliance upon God is needed, tested. This is where tawakkal works after we've done our part on effort. We do our absolute best, and we put the rest in the hands of God (please don't take hands literally... this is not Quranic lesson we're taking).


We pray. We pray with all our heart to protect our child (in this case of thought) from all bad things, all bad men, whenever they are out of our sight, even they're in our sights. We pray with our most confidence in God that God will protect our child, give this child blessings in so many ways.

Our faith, in Islam, puts so much importance in belief in Allah. Our Helper. Who we turn to whenever we're lost, sad, or happy.

I just want to emphasis on how important it is to put our utmost reliance upon God. This apply on our whole life, every aspect of our living.

Whatever we do, whenever we're worried about something, pray, and believe in God. He'll do the best for us. He knows what's best for us.

May Allah guides us in everything that we do. Ameen

Being Mak-mak and Owning A Home

Salam 'alayk guys! And good morning!

So last Friday I went out with my friend Hz (you can pronounce it as Hertz lol) to IOI Putrajaya. Initially we were supposed to go for hiking that evening at Bukit Gasing, PJ, but me being a sucker for nasi lemak, I persuaded her to postponed the hiking and continue with casual hangout, so that I can succumb myself to nasi lemak at my sister's. LOL!

She picked me up around 11 am, then we went straight for breaklunch at Seoul Garden. Honestly, I don't think Seoul Garden is my thing (even though I was the one proposed for Korean food). Because I can't eat those grilled food without nasi, but if I eat them with nasi, my stomach can't fit with more food! BECAUSE SEOUL GARDEN IS ALL ABOUT STUFFING YOUR STOMACH WITH LOTSA FOOD!

But I found the great soup that suits my taste. I think it's Tomyam Kimchi Stew, it doesn't taste like kimchi at all, but almost like general tomyam at tomyam restaurants. Even Hz agreed that the usual Seoul Garder Tomyam soup doesn't taste much, like it consists of too much spices I think.

Then after ending our luncheon with ice cream, we went round the floor just to walk and calm our almost-bursting stomach, and end up in Harvey Norman. and guesswhat? We didn't only cuci mata at gadgets corner, but also to the rest of the store!

We looked at washing machines. getting awe at the very modern and almost robotic like machines (they were so cool! and also creepy), then choosing what would be our pick, then dreaming of being rich. Then we went to the refridgerator section, and the cycle goes on.

The refrigerator section was where we spent most our time on in Harvey Norman. Those fridges have all kind of characrteristics and the interiors! Most of the time we look at which fridge has the coolest door... Then continue dreaming of being millionaires.

We can only dream.

But really I swear if I own a house and have kachingkaching I'd go and look for the best machines/items/furniture in creating my home. I have my visions on how I want my home to be, well almost English-like. Plus I really enjoyed looking at Keknis' and her mom's ig account, just to look at how they decorated their homes.

I'm really starting to feel like mak-mak you know. But without kids, and obviously without husband. Also a house. Huhu


Afterwards we just went cuci mata at Daiso (a must-stop-by), ToysRUs (and lost my Rebbit's ears *sobs*), Yubiso and bought a scented candle that doesn't smell very much, anddd mostly to satisfy my purse. Poor Hz that doesn't enjoy makeup had to bear with me shopping and cuci mata at makeup stores.


Then we ended our outing and she sent me back to my sister's around 5 pm because she needed to pick up her grandfather after that.


Now eventhough I don't think I spent much that day except on food, I hope that I won't splurge this Friday and just concentrate on hiking.

Yeay Hiking!

A miniscule step into adulthood, with Headache!

Salam'alayk guys!

It's the 4th week of the semester, and here I am today in misery thinking of my internship.

Courtesy of Mr. Ever Generous Google

There are so many things to do! I have to look for possible placement, study them, then work on my CV and resume (I'm gonna die for this! I barely have anything to fit into my CV!), and on top of that I DO want to intern at big GLC or MNC company that can benefit me in so many ways so I can prep myself for the after-graduation world!!!

*deep-breathe*

I'm not sure if I'm the only one who get headache and worrisome over internship. Because I do have some expectations and targets for my future career. One thing important is I don't want to work at some jabatan agama Islam.


But whatever about all that, now how am I going to build my resume and CV and make them appealing and yummy to my targeted future employers?

I've searched for some tips regarding CV, and I believe it is during this golden period of studies I can expand my expertise and knowledge with ease (or at lesser price). Some of the tips are to go for workshops, outside classes (like IIUM SMART offers Academic Literature Review class, or SPSS at cheaper price for students), or even signing up for online classes (there are loads of them for free!).

ALSO it is suggested for me to join any extra-curricular activities (which I was good at only during CFS and highschool) or get myself a leadership title with huge burden on my shoudlers. Hah. Honestly I've stopped joining any lineup or organising committee (I used to enjoy being one) because I feel it'd be tiresome to have night meetings at the center of the campus, and to rush for dues while studying for classes and assignments. I just need to concentrate on my studies (which starting to unsink from the deep sea).

And... lastly to totally benefit the internship with softskills and so on. When the purpose of me doing my CV for internship. *sigh.


Any idea guys? I reaaaally want to intern at big company so I can learn more on how an organisation operate at organise manner when the business is from east to the west. And also so I can work on my career plan.

Still working on it. working on it. .. ...



and I know my 2018 resolution is to write twice within a week. I'm so good at bluffing.


...Chayyok Kemy!


p/s: took the CV tips from The Guardian

WELCOME 2018! New Year New Self, eh really?

Salam and hey guys!

Hope it's not too late to make a welcome post on refreshing 2018!

It's refreshing because I think it's been quite a ride on 2017 globally; the Trump issues (he's made A LOT), Jerusalem and Al-Quds Masjid, and to go particular in Malaysia people have been so anxious about incoming General Election which could come in anytime by now (a gently reminder for you guys to register as voter if you haven't!). Then some gossips on certain celebrities, news on death of SHInee Jonghyun and the issue came after within Muslims. In general, I can say that maybe to some people 2017 has been bad for them.

So hence the refreshing 2018! People have many expectations on incoming days and months, new year marks new events and focus!

Let's hope that most of us can focus on positive and brighter things this year!

Talking about welcoming new year, on social media like Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook the hashtag #NewYear has been trending since 30th Disember, alongside captions "New year new self", "Time to open new book", or of some sorts.

I generally don't really celebrate the event of New Year. It's just a normal day for me, maybe some reminder that it's 2018 now and not 2017 because I often wrote past year for dates, and that is embarassing. huhu

But somehow this time I wanted to make a different; making some resolutions and goals for 2018. I've entered 21 of age, and I think it's best if I make some notes on what I should change or whether I've improved as I aged. It's more on self-reflection really.

So these are my resolutions that I've chosen for 2018 (so I can keep up with them).

1.       MAINTAIN A PLANNING ROUTINE

2.     ESTABLISH A MORNING ROUTINE

3.     WAKE UP AT 6AM

4.    WORK OUT EVERY MORNING

5.     VISION THE DAY IN THE MORNING

6.    READ FOR 15-30 MINS EVERY NIGHT

7.     CREATE A MONTHLY FOCUS

8.     FOLLOW A MONTHLY BUDGET

9.    WRITE JOURNAL/DIARY EVERY WEEK

10.GO FOR WALKS REGULARLY/ SOLO DATES

11.    A BOOK A MONTH

12.  BE EARLY TO CLASSES/MEETINGS/DATES

13.  MAKE NOTES FOR EVERY SUBJECTS

14. BIRTHDAY WISHES AND PRESENTS FOR FAMILY

15.  BLOG TWICE A WEEK

16. ROAD TO INSTAGRAM AESTHETIC

17.  PRAY ON TIME

18.  RECITE QURAN DAILY

19. SAY THANK YOU

20. BE GRATEFUL, BE PROUD AND LOVE YOURSELF

TO A BETTER SELF!

It's not much, I know. There's only two for my studies, and the rest are more to self-organizing and spiritual matter. I believe that if I could improve on my daily schedules, eliminate procrastinating, my studies will improve too!

(OH and see that no. 15? Once two weeks isn't much to people but knowing myself... Better starts slow!)

I even wrote it up on my bujo so I can keep track of them on my daily routines! (or monthly).

However, even though I got myself 20 goals and resolutions to improve myself throughout the year, I wouldn't use the phrase "new year new self". Stepping into 2018 doesn't mean I've become a new person. I may shed some negativity and tried to be in new perspectives, but that is not me transforming into a new person.

People don't change overnight. It's difficult if they want to. In this new year, I am still myself, I am still with my personality, but better. I am proud of what I have become, and I will change what I am not proud of.

Not just that, I'm not approve of using "time to open new book", because that means I'm going to close 2017 and shut it behind. If I put my past behind my sights, I won't be able to see what I've done, what I've achieved in the past year. I can't learn from my past mistakes, and see what I should change. 

I don't know about other people, but I just don't agree on being a new person on new year or any other day and putting our pasts behind. It's not that I like to drag on and think of the past, it's about what I can learn from it, make new things with it.

Either way, I've given you guys my thoughts on celebrating new year and 20-New-Year-Resolutions!

May we all achieve our goals this year and be a better self for ourselves and people surrounding!

p/s: It's never late to start, or to change! New year is just a date, you can start anytime you want to, but it's best to be soon!

Laundry hygiene

Salam 'alayk guys!

Before I enter tertiary education, I have never ever seperated from my family, my comfort for more than a week. I've never been to school hostels, camps, and so on where I have to be totally independent of my days and myself.

So, getting into UIA is my first experience, and there's a lot of things I need to learn, including doing laundry.

But honestly, I'm not that kind of brat who don't know how to use washing machine, or doing washing clothes by hand, what's softener, and so on. Sometimes at home I washed my clothes by hand too, mostly to cleanse spilled drinks/food on clothes, or just to whiten my school socks (washing machine doesn't work on my socks).

Plus, I've been taught by my mom that fresh clothes from laundry need to be taken care of carefully. Like, in the process of transferring clothes from washing machine to laundry basket, you can't let them touch anything else, because 1) they're clean 2) they're wet clean. So it's easy for the 'clean' to be contaminated.

So now, in college, I don't get it, how on Earth the sisters here don't know the art of doing laundry!

Just now I was using the laundry room, and as usual I would make a timer on my phone so no one would touch my clothes when their turn has come to use the machine (because you never know how they handle your clothes from the machine to your laundry basket). And I was late just for 1 or 2 MINUTES!

I stormed down the stairs, barged into the laundry room, only to look at a SISTER trying to put my FRESH-OUT-OF-MACHINE CLOTHES into my laundry basket while they're still TANGLED TO EACH OTHER and my basket fell and my clothes TOUCHED THE FLOOR!

DAMN IT!


I don't know if she really doesn't care about fresh laundry or she's just being selfish because it's not her clothes.

She saw me and asked, "is it yours?", and I just said yeah, not once looking at her, continue handling my clothes from hand, and she did not deserve my smile or gratitude whatsoever.


GOSH!

Now I have to wash the contaminated clothes again.

So now since I'm agitated about what had happened, and in an attempt to avoid that happening again, I'm gonna list what to do when the clothes owner haven't come to retrieve them from the washing machine because you need to use it.

1) Look for the laundry basket. Then take a look at the size of the basket and volume of the clothes, is it balance or not?

2) If the laundry basket is more than enough for the clothes, then it's ok.

3) If the clothes doesn't look like it's gonna fit into the basket, you gotta see if the owner put any laundry bag into the washing machines, because that will gonna be the last one into the basket.

4) Start transferring the clothes. But remember to untangle them, and crumple them so they won't fall away or touches  the floor.

5) Prioritize the undies or small clothes, so they won't fall out of the basket since they're at the bottom.

6) HANDLE THE CLOTHES WITH CARE LIKE IT'S YOUR CLOTHES!

7) Lastly, make sure the washing machine is empty before you start throwing in your dirty clothes.



Hope you guys don't experience this thing like I did, and also hoping the sisters in UIA know the essence of being hygienic!

Things on my Small Mind

Assalamualikum and greetings.

Im not going to repeat the sentence 'its been a while blablabla' so..... Cliché.

Really,  to be honest, i've got lots and lots of things I want to write and discuss in this so-not-precious blog, but,  I just couldn't find the mood to type/write (this mood right now isnt a real mood since its not an important post) and I just need that mood or something to switch on my writing mode.

Oh Allah please, please, please make me more intro a diligent person so I can satisfy people who subscribe my blog/stories. Uhuhuhu


It has been a week since I got all the ideas and topics that I am really eager to spill out since my friends not here to debate with me  (i know writing in blog wont make someone into debating with me but hey at least I get to get things out of my head) but sometimes Allah just doesnt want me to write yet. Hehe

I mean, things like family things, friends things, clashing facts, no laptop and such (so many excuses) get me in the way from writing.


I still remember during primary school I was so good at writing (in Bhs Mlaysia of course) that I always got 90 and above for every exam (only on year 6). I even write short stories (cerpen) and poems and showed them to my teacher ( just to feel proud hehe) and yeah, one of the story was a really sad one I still remember the storyline up until now.

My mind still worked when the stress level up a bit 2 years later, I even wrote poems during exams just to kill some time on that exact exam paper. Hah. I was so lucky non of the teachers noticed all the   immature thoughts.  Or thats what I thought.


Anyway, *sigh* my skill just deteriorated and all I can write is dull stories and cant work my brain anymore over poems. I've lost my special ability. Huhuhuhu


And, one of the effect is that I no longer update my blog as frequent as I should (even though I do enjoy it), my spirits just changed. Alah, people change. What can I do? Its nature.



Oooh wow. Just when I thought I will only write short post just to give so-called teaser to my lovely readers and just to tell Im still alive and fine thank you, I wrote a very long (long indeed for a lazy person like me) entry and this proved how much I really love writings. Or so. Hm.


Anyway, I cant promise on when and what I'll be writing for the next post. That will depend on my mood (and if ada rezeki lol).

Forgive my ramblings, please, I rarely blabber about myself for public view.

Thats it, i think. Buibui, assalamualaikum. :)

BooksBooks!

Assalamualaikum.

These last few days I feel so frustrated and tempting every time i opened my twitter account.
Why?

Because BigBadWolf kept updating on whats going on on the book fair!!!

oh! this is so unfair!

For people who still doesn't know, BigBadWolf is the largest bookfare i've ever known in this world with the cheapest price for each items.

For example, last year my sisters and I bought a full trolly (the one that people often used at nightmarket) of books, for not more than RM300. That is cheap okay!

Even for a hard-cover 300 pages book costs at least RM8! Where else can we book lovers shop books at such low price?

Back to my despair, BigBadWolf has started its operation in Malaysia at 5th Disember at Mines and ends this 15th Disember. The best part of it is it operates for 24 hours except for the first day and last day. So no excuses to all those workers and students.

(Even I went to the fare at 1 a.m last year)

And this year I couldnt go there!!! There's so much things need to be done by this month, and if i did had the free time, no one wants to send me there.. :(


But then... hehe... there are still lots of books in this house that I havent read yet. Its not that Im being picky or bratty, but most of these books are so serious, too adventurous, or its about real story that happened to somebody...

Im just in the mood for relaxing, a bit cheesy but not cliche books. And in the mean time I have to released my temptation through wattpad, a site full of unpublished stories. BUT MOST OF THEM ARE CLICHE STORIES!! ugh.


Anyway, yeah I cant do anything about this.

And Im craving for Ramlee Awang Mursyid too. My Bahasa Melayu skill starting to rust ever since SPM ended. *sigh*

I dont know when I am going to post in Bahasa Melayu. I shouldnt do this.

*self reflect

Well secured

Assalamualaikum, peace be upon you.


Ever since I was sitting for the exam, on the very first day, I have been thinking this up until now.

At school, I rarely know people or mend with other students. The one that I will be with were my only classmates and ex-classmate(s) that I really close to.
 Even, not all my classmates I can talk to and laugh with, especially the boys.

Girls and boys in my class were and still are well seperated (not that seperated that we dont talk or associate at all) since we were guided closely by our favorite ustaz Aziz and ustazah Rohana.

I never know other students aside from my classmates. I mean, i've been in the same stream since I was in form 1, it was (and is) hard to create new friends out from existed cycle. Even after PMR, when the KAA students seperated and went on with their own desired stream, I rarely talk to them or even smile at them (except for 1 friend) because, i thought it was awkward.


Some of my classmates managed to made friends from other classes through hostel and curricular activity, but i dont know i just seem cant step out and introduce myself.

Plus, im not good at expressing myself. Even my close friends sometimes take my words the other way.

Sometimes I thought its because me staying with the same class, same friends and same environment that keep me from seeing other world, from knowing how other people mind work, or how to associate with people who is not seeing things the way I see.

I just feel, well secured.


Now, SPM has passed. Right now I have to pray and tawakkal for my result, and embrace myself for my tertiary education.


The latter, is what on my mind.


Of course, when you go to new place, you will meet new friends. But i kinda doubt how i will do that.
I am such an awkward person. The only friends from primary school that I maintain the relationships with are only a few less than 5 persons.

Just because. ... Im afraid of what the other party might thought of me.

I am so self conscious.


So, I just wonder how I will get along with my future roommates, classmates, friends in college.
I feel scared at the thought of it.


because i think people think Im arrogant. because i dont make eye contact, that sometimes i missed to greet the teacher waiting at the back gate. and i always walk straight, either head high or head down. just to avoid people.


sigh. how am i going to survive in the future if im like this?

Capital D?

Assalamualaikum dan selamat tengah malam.. huhuhu

tatkala orang lain sedang lena diulit mimpi, Kemy masih di sini melepaskan gian dengan komputer. huhuhu

macam sadis je bunyi.


mestilah. sebelum ni mana ada can nak sentuh komputer. kalau ada pun, eh, memang tak ada lah!


tadi, bila selesai saja 'renovate' blog ni (walaupun mcm tak ada beza sangat pun, tapi ya Allah susahnya nak tukar... huhuhu), Kemy buka youtube.

macam biasalah. Ingatkan nak buka youtube nak dengar lagu korea yang baru atau dengar lagu English yang catchy, tapi.... TAK TAHU NAK TENGOK APA!!!


uh. betapa geram dan kecewanya bila tak tahu nak tengok apa. yalah, dah lama sangat tinggal benda2 lagho tu, bila nak balik semula nak teroka apa pun tak tahu..


tetapiii~~

jengjengjeng

takde la suspen mana.

Kemy pun buka je la Shinee-Hello on stage punya. eheh. comelnya. pfft.. urgh.
video tu 3 tahun y lepas. tapi masa tu mereka nampak sangat comel, happening, ceria dan sebagainya. kalau nak dibandingkan dengan sekarang....

Kebanyakkan lagu-lagu Korea sekarang dah tak sihat. Faham2 je la maksud tak sihat tu macam mana.


Habis tengok Hello 2 3 kali, buka Apink Hush pula.

.
.
.
.
.
.


Memang lagu Hush ada dalam list yang Kemy nak buat.
Tapi, walaupun dia punya step sangat senang, kenapa Kemy tak boleh ikutt???
Macam best je.

huhu....


Ada byk lagi lagu yang Kemy nak buat.
dan lagu Hush ni adalah antara lagu y senang nak buat.

*mengeluh*


kalau banyak practise dapatlah tu. huhuhu


oh, capital D.

Relief

Assalamualaikum and good evening :)


I haven't post anything for awhile since I was so busy (considerable busy) studying *ehem* and classes and schools to prepare myself for the Exam.

but since I have finished the exam 12 30 yesterday... hehe
IM FREE~~

wootwoot.

but still, i cant be 'free' as free as i want because the result is the real climax of what i've been striving for. and i dont want to live my life like what i had before after PMR. seriously, i regret for being so free that time.


anyway, enough about me graduating secondary school.

i have so many things to 'talk' about.

but first, i want to announce that im going to 'renovate' this blog, yup, this precious *yeah right* blog before i write anything i want to...

this, include my url.

dont you think my url is kind of... exposed? i mean like, im using my name for it right now, so i feel kind of insecure because of it. i wonder why i use it in the first place before.


so~~~ the new url im going to use is....

dalammindaseorangremaja.blogspot.com



so, dont forget my dear followers to add this new url in your 'following list' :D


thats all for now.
buibui and assalamualaikum.

*to all the victims of floods in Kelantan, Terengganu, Pahang and Johor , be safe and take good  care of yourselves and families. May Allah protect us from any harm and danger. ameen.

susah

Assalamualaikum.

Dah form 5 pun. Sikit lagi nak habis sekolah, tak boleh bayangkan mcm mana kena tinggal kan sekolah tersayang.


Spm. Tekanan memang terasa. Nak nak lagi bila selalu bandingkan diri dengan top students. Bukan sengaja, cuma harap boleh memotivasikan diri supaya boleh maju. Tapi, bolehke?


Kadang-kadang, orang sangka kita ni tak ada masalah lain. Yelah, dah nama pun pelajar, memang tugasnya belajar.
Tapi mereka sering lupa, seorang pelajar masih ada tanggungjawabnya yang lain, yang lebih utama.
Kena jaga hubungan dgn ibu bapa, ahli keluarga, guru, shabat, adik adik, dan paling utama dgn Allah.

Memang semua tu basic. Tapi yang menyukarkan adalah hati. Tiada siapa mahu susah. Tiada siapa nak dugaan. Tapi Allah dah tetapkan, kalau dugaan dtg maknanya iman kita meningkat, insyaAllah.

Cuma, tiada manusia yang maksum. Mungkin ada yang kata Kemy ni kasar, cakap lepas or whatsoever. Tapi sejujurnya, tak ada manusia yang dilahirkan bertujuan menyakitkan hati orang lain.
Kemy sedar kesalahan Kemy.
Kemy tahu Kemy patut berubah.
Tapi persekitaran Kemy tak membantu. Orang akan kata, kita tak boleh slahkan environment bila kita y sebenarnya bersaah.

Tapi, bukan semua orang imannya kuat, bukan semua orang mentalnya kuat.
Kemy mudah terpengaruh dengan benda lain.

Kemy mudah kecewa dgn diri sendiri.

Bukan sbb bersikap bodoh atau tak profesional, tapi sbb Kemy sng fikir dalamdalam kelemahan Kemy sehingga hampor berputus asa.
Sampai ada saat Kemy terfikir, aku ni dah gila ke?


Bila sedar kembali, astaghfirullah. Hampir saja KKemy menyalahkan takdir.
Saat air mata menitis, Kemy cuma mampu berkata 'aku tak kuatYa Allah'. Mengharapkan Allah meringankan beban yang jika dilihat org lain kelihatan remeh shj.
Tapi Kemy tak kuat.


Bersusah susah dahulu, bersenang senang kemudian.
Ustazah Kemy pun pernah kata, nak masuk syurga, kena lepasi duri durinya dahulu.


Kemy selalu fikir, macam mana nak masuk syurga? Dengan situasi mcm ni? Takkan nak masuk sorang2? Lagipun, Kemy bukannya alim ulama atau rasul atau nabi atau tergolong dlm wanita solehah. Datang shj ujian, boleh hadapi dgn tng. Sdgkan nak handle kawad pun dah marah.


Orang sangka, perempuan y bertudung labuh, atau berpalaian sopan layak digelar ustazah, tinggi imannya, banyak amalnya, boleh dijadikan contoh.
Tapi, mereka y memakai jilbab pun manusia biaaa. Ada nafsu, pelupa, dan sebagainya.


YaAllah, kenapa aku rasakan sukar bernafas di bumiMu ya Allah?

troublesssss ~times 10 to the power of a million~

assalamualaikum. :)

lately, erh. hm. kemy rasa macam.. ntah. rasa tak tenang . its like, something is troubling me,,, or haunting me? ok weird

kadang-kadang kan,
trouble tu bukan datang dalam bentuk fizikal, atau berpunca dari seseorang atau perbuatan.
kadang-kadang, masalah tu datang dari kita sendiri.

orang lain tak perasan masalah kita, tapi kita yang tak selesa dengan keadaan tu.

and i have no idea how to overcome it.


masalah.

hm. kalau masalah berkaitan dengan seseorang, perselisihan faham or apa2 y sejenis dengannya, kemy pendam je. kemy tak biasa bagi tahu orang lain, err kecuali org tu mmg tahu huhu. even dalam diari or apa-apa pun kemy tak tulis. kalau tulis tu that is so not me.

kemy tak suka cakap or tulis pasal masalah tu. sebab, bagi kemy kalau buat macam tu kita cuma memanjangkan tempoh masalah tu, unless kita bagitahu seseorang dgn sbb nk mintak opinion.

plus, masalah selalu berkait dengan dendam, oh kemy tak faham dengan orang berdendam ni. walaupun perkara simple. best ke dendam? erh?rasa sakit hati n menyenakkan adalah.

kadang-kadang dendam ni mcm immature attitude. kita tak dapat apa-apa pun sbg benefit, berdendam cuma akan buat kita berfikiran negative. oh i just dont like pessimistic man. how annoying.


biasanya kalau kemy, kemy akan cuba usaha untuk lupakan masalah tu, tu pun kalau masalah tu cuma kemy je yang prasan or care or melibatkan kemy seorang. kalau masalah tu melibatkan orang lain, kemy takkan fikir masalah tu macam orang gila sampai boleh naik darah tinggi camtu.
kalau masalah jenis macam tu kemy akan cuba sepositive yang boleh, cuba hadapi masalah tu dengan tenang.


i dont know.

agaknya ada orang fikir kemy ni jenis happy-go-lucky .. tapi, kemy rasa kemy ni jenis tipikal, sebab tak ada orang tahu the real me.


thats all. muhasabah diri, assalamualaikum :D

not everything

assalamualaikum and good what-ever-you-are-doing!

well, it has been such a long time since i've updated this unlucky blog. hisy

oh.

actually i have nothing to say. but yeah. i cant let this blog mereput all by 'him'self.


these days, i keep on thinking, how do people know me? no, not that how they know me. its like, what do i look, or how do i look in their mind.

do i look like a playful and naughty? or just some kind of  troublesome girl? or maybe a hard-to-approach or whatsoever?

because, i want to know how do i seem to be in front of their eyes *okay i think i got my grammar wrong here nvm*

i think, there's actually no one who really really understand me, who know me from the heart, who know how do i think, how i talk to myself.

because i keep keeping things to myself. well im not the type that will tell everyone or some certain person or write it down in my diary about what my heart says.

yeah, i do have a diary. suprising is it? but i dont update it like frequently. huhhh..
i tend to get easily bored to let my heart out.
weird...


sometimes, i thought that i was/am a hypocrite girl, a girl who live under a fake mask, a girl who not being herself.

im confused with myself.

err.. it is confusing, is it?

i think thats all..
just i want to point out here, there's no one know how i've been through in my life, maybe i was happy, maybe i'va gone through a hell of world.
its that, my true, real diary or story of my heart is, my heart. not a person, or papers, books or even this blog.


assalamualaikum pals.

ana naasii

assalamualaikum

uuuhhh dah lama tak update blog. berhapak habis. hehe

sebenarnya kemy ada idea nak post pasal apa, tp kemy lupa. huhu

mm.. nantilah kalau kemy ingat kemy post ok?

insyaAllah.

 lain kali, jumpa di alam maya lagi
assalamualaikum

p/s: kpd budak pandu form1, kak kemy mintak maaf sebab asyik marahmarah korang. huhu.. aaasiff :)

this is what we called exam

assalamualaikum
and good.. night *because im writing this at 10 pm*

today is saturday, and the exam for term 1b was over, this 10:30 morning.

ahh..
its a tiring week actually, yet a 'peaceful' week.
why?

because i dont have to feel the urge to finish all my homeworks, and i can live my life this week with a silent situation everyday and night.
the only thing that i have to do was only study for the subjects i have taken

monday, its bm and math. bm? hmm okay la not bad. i think there's one or two question/s that i had left without answering it. oh yeah the one that the answer is 'di mana bumi dipijak di situ langit di junjung'. that time i was seriously stress because i cant find that peribahasa in my brain. duh. so, i just left it, unanswered.

for math, i dont think i have something to say for this paper.. :) insyaAllah i'll get A for this.. :D

tuesday, english p.e and chemistry. the p.e paper *pjk*, ohh seriously i think most of the question i shoot it falsely lol. the one who can answer p.e paper correctly like 90% and above can be a doctor. doctor-to-be.

chemistry,,,, i love this subject. there are some questions that i didnt answer, but maybe i'll get B at least. oh please A!!!

wednesday is for PSI PQS and biology. . for that bio paper, i didnt study for that paper like.. errr.. ugh. i did study tuesday's evening at school. but at home i didnt wake up as i slept so early like 9 pm. so, tawakal je la.  sorry cik Faridah for disappointing u :'(

the day before yesterday was history and physic. wahh.. these both papers are seriously.. i really cant get A for it. history- there's some question 'bout india which is i didnt read about it really and i was quite confuse between tamadun hwang ho and china. urghhh
physics-  i think i left the procedure in paper 3 and i think i draw the retort stand weirdly? 'cause i dont remember how does the clamp look like. huhu

got to cry for these subjects..

yesterday, Friday was for BA and sivik. ahh guys please tell me who did study for sivik last time?? i dont think anyone did. so, apa lagi tembak la kan? haha.. BA?? wow my composition not bad actually 'cause i made it to 154 words.. woohoo *but of course i dont expect it to be 50 marks right? huhu*

lastly, today!! ADDITIONAL MATHEMATIC!! ok this one also i will not get A for this. there were some questions which are i dont know how to calculate it and i just bantai je what ever i want to write as long as there are jalan kira. at least i'll get marks for it right??



ok. even though this is the first examination for this year, first exam since i've become an upper form high school, i dont want to get my result with a 'swimming colour' ...

because everyone like almost everyone said 'xpe.. exam first' , 'alaa exam 1b je kot' , 'standard la tu form 4 ada fail'. ok the last statement is agak.. erm.. xpelah

i dont want to get any fail ,  at least! and i want 3 A's for this exam. but i dont know if i can get that.

this is because, i dont want to fail make my parents happy, make my friends proud, especially fairy *ya Allah i miss her so much*. and i seriously dont want my teachers think that im a lazy stupid student like the others *others??*.

starting this year, i want to try my best in my studies. my friends in KISAS and MRSM Taiping *nabellah* inspired me to work hard. the green cereals always support me no matter what even though i know they think that i am a bit fierce? ok i am. huhu. anyway, my friends and my family always tell me to try hard or harder in exam, try to make them proud, try to tackle the teacher *eh?*

ahh i <3 them so much!!!


p/s i think starting now i have to be more active in blogging since there's a certain person said that he/she will see my update through my blog since he/she's leaving far away from me... :'(

thats all then buibui
assalamualaikum

bersabar itu sebahagian daripada iman

assalamualaikum antum semua:)

stelah skian lama kemy x update blog. idea ada dtg, tapi masa tak mengizinkan.
kemy betul2 busy bulan ni. skrang ni hujung minggu, boleh la kemy update sambil study :)

penat. penat sangat
itu yang kemy boleh kata.

menjadi student form 4, aliran sains agama di smart cukup memenatkan.
walhal kemy cuma ambik sbelas subjek, bukannya 24 atau 21 mcm amalina che bakri and nik madihah.

mungkin sbb kemy x biasa, culture shock. apa y boleh kemy kata kerja2 tahun ni lagi byk dari masa form 3.


tiap2 hari tak sah kalau tak tido lambat.. paling awal pukul 12.

tiap2 hari balik skolah pukul 5

n walaupun tido lambat, homework tetap xsiap.

sbb tu kemy x nk ambik borang pengawas, sbb kemy tahu kemy x akan berjaya mlaksanakan tanggungjawab kemy dgn sempurna.

beban sedia ada tak tergalas, buat apa nk tambah lagi kan??



tp skrang ni kemy rasa serba salah..
sbb sbelum ni kemy asyik kata smart ni skolah y mcm suka mendera budak2 =,=''
tp bila kawan2 kemy respond dkt fb, especially form sbp and dari ustazah <3 , diorang kata inilah dugaan n diorang dkt sbp lagi teruk

dugaan kemy sbagai pelajar. sebagai anak mama n ayah. sbagai adik kpada abang dan kakak2.


kemy x spatutnye memburukkan nama smart begitu skali. walaupun terdetik di hati kemy cikgu2 spatutnye memahami plajar2 terlalu byk homework. ntahla.


tapi, alhadulillah walaupun kemy slalu tidur lambat, tp stakat ni kemy x pernah lagi tertidur dlm kelas. mengantuk itu pasti, tapi tahan je


dan stelah diberi smangat oleh rakan2 dan ustazah, kemy tahu apa y harus kemy lakukan skrang ni

bersabar. dan mencari kelemahan diri

sabar dgn dugaan ini, Allah hanya ingin menguji kemy. setakat mana kekuatan kemy, keinginan kemy untuk belajar.
yelah, kemy tak nak jadi org y prinsip hidupnya 'studies are important'

bagi kemy, studies are not important. determination is what important, and that bring us to studies. kan?


dan kemy nak perbaiki kelemahan diri kemy. kemy cemburu dengan fairy, sbb dia dpt kisas. skolah y mampu mentarbiah hati dan diri, dan insyaAllah mampu membantu meneguhkan iman.

sdgkan di smart, hanya mementingkan pendidikan dunia, smart tak mampu memberi pendidikan hati. bak kata ustazah amirah, smart banyak lagho.


insyaAllah kemy mampu mendidik diri kemy, menjadi y terbaik y kemy mampu.

kemy ingin menjadi sperti apa yang antum panggil kemy, nur kamilia , cahaya kesempurnaan.

doa2kan kemy agar berjaya berjuang dalam medan peperangan, berperang melwan hawa nafsu, berperang menuntut ilmu, berperang meneguhkan iman.
insyaAllah, amin


buibui
assalamualaikum

amali fii mustaqbal (an akuna ~~~~)

assalamualaikum n salam sjahtera.

slamat tahun baru? hmm.. noo.. im not going to wish that
bg kemy tahun baru dh lama berlalu..
yelah. dah masuk bulan safar punn...

so, haa... baca x tajuk tu? bagi sapa2 y blaja arab tau la maksud dia. simple je ayt tu..

'cita-cita pada masa hadapan (sy ingin jadi dotdotdot)'

oh. pasal citacita

apa cita cita korang..??

kalau kelas kemy ramai je y nk jadi tobib or tobibah or doktor


kemy?

well..

actually kemy ni masih dalam tiada cita-cita.
wait. jangan salah faham. eventhough xde cita-cita, x smestinya kemy ni xde hala tuju hidup or xde wawasan diri.

its just that, cita2 y kemy ada sbelum ni kemy rasa x sesuai dgn diri kemy. its just not myself.

kalau dulu slalu je hina org y xde citacita.
but now i understand them. huhu

dulu citacita kemy arkitek. kalau org tanye (mcm cikgu ke) citacita, kemy cakaplah arkitek. pastu diorang mesti kata 'eh awk reti ke lukis?' n... ok. they just dont trust me.

kemy reti je lukis. cuma imaginasi kemy or gambaran utk dlukis tu kena betul2 sharp, baru boleh kemy gambarkan di atas kertas.

tp, bila fikir2 balik, knp kemy nk jadi arkitek?
kemy x rasa kemy ada kebolehan menjadi arkitek.

bila fikir2, baru kemy tau knp kemy nk jadi arkitek. its just because ramai org jadi arkitek and i found it interesting.

but unfortunately, it doesnt suit me.


then, my mom told me that in a family there's suppose to be a doctor. which means she wants me to become a doctor. ok, kemy dulu pernah jugak cita2 jadi doktor... tapi?

i dont think i can adapt with the panic situation, with the blood2 thing, with the all the bedah and scapels and whatsoever.

nk tgk medictv pun kena sorok2.. (duhhh)



and hari ni and smalam, ada 2 cikgu total tanya pasal ambition.

y first tu sbb time sivik. kena buat wawasan diri. cita2.. vision.
y tu, haha. kemy dpt ilham dari buku bio kalau x silap

amali fii mustaqbal hiya VIROLOGIST!

cool x? haha... nk kaji virus tu.

cikgu tu mesti terkejut baca paper tu. (sbb kena tulis dlm paper n hantar huhu)

virologist? hmm.. not bad. kemy minat jugak benda2 gini.. y memerlukan xperiment.. ohh yeahh i love xperiments woohoo!!


then hari ni ustaz suruh perkenalkan diri and ckp citacita. kemy penat pulas otak nih. xkan nk ckp virologist dpn ustaz? oh... (negativ nye kemy ni. =,=')

then...

'ismi ~~~~~... amali fi mustaqbal an akuna .... TOBIBAH!'

ok. doktor. tu adalah cita2 mak sy..


*sorry ustaz, sorry cikgu.. mianhae... aasiff... maafff.. huhuhu..*


so... what's my ambition?

skrang, kemy x tetapkan apa cita2 kemy.

tp kemy tetapkan apa minat kemy.

and kemy fikir which course y akan kemy listkan utk masuk u nnt..

mcm psychology, science computer, science marine mcm best jugak. haha.. y ni semua baru masuk dalam bidang minat kemy..

so, at least i have my interest, and i know what type of things that i want to do.

ok then..

that's all for today..

buibui
assalamualaikum
annyong

*lailan sa'id :)

Graphic class

assalamualaikum :)

minggu lepas, Kemy ada join kelas grafik dekat sekolah, dari isnin sampai khamis, pukul 8 30 sampai 4.
kemy join pun sbenarnya sbb ayah kemy y letak nama kemy, 'huhu', sbb masa mula2 dgr pasal kelas grafik sebelum habis sekolah dulu xde pulak rasa berminat.

tapi bila dh join ni, mcm best pulak, sampai rasa rindu *gituu

masa hari isnin, ehem. nak kata berdebar tu err ada lah mula2, tp try relaks kan diri , yakinkan diri insyaAllah boleh survive dlm kelas ni. sbb, tak ada pun kawan2 kemy y join kelas tu kecuali siti sarah, which is sbb dia join pun sama je dgn sbb kemy. *kekekee.. plus, kemy ni xdela hebat sgt pasal grafik2 ni, sbb masa form 1 form 2 dulu, masa kelas literasi komp, kalau cikgu Ramly ajar psl photoshop or flash, huhu.. x pernah masuk.

sedihnyee.. tp xdela sampai x masuk langsung. mula2 mmg la masuk, pastu lupa balik.. *lol

so, masa hari isnin tu, mm.. Puan Hawa *org y handle kelas tu* mmperkenalkan diri dgn rakan2 beliau, ehem. Puan Hawa ni mrupakan seorang usahawan y berjaya and ada syarikat *of course la ada syarikat kata usahawan* and Puan Hawa ni slalu dpt tempahan utk buat banner or papan tanda or whtsoever for example papan tanda Pantai Balok y besar tu, syarikat Puan Hawa la y buat *dgn bangganya haha*

ok lps tu ptg tu sbenarnye ada kerja nk kena buat dgn photoshop, tp kemy dgn kak Nana tgk kpop lol.

photoshop tu kitorang kena buat banner utk sekolah, kena ada pemandangan sekolah or tempat2 kat sekolah, ada pengetua2.. hehe. ni y klakar ni. pengetua tu, kitorang buat pengetua Haji Bahtiar angkat gn tunjuk kat tgh. which is kitorang kena tangkap gambar pengetua posing mcm tu. nasib baik pengetua sporting :) <3

then hari kedua, Puan Hawa ajar mcm mana nk guna Corel Draw, sbb kelas grafik ni mmg guna photoshop n corel draw je. so, Puan Hawa pun ajar la Corel Draw dgn pantas dan efisyen tp ada la plak budak ni *hisy* pergi block pmandangan kemy and beberapa akak2 yang lain. mentang2 dia tinggi lol .

ptg hari kedua tu kitorang dpt assignment kitorang y kena guna corel draw bertemakan sukan sekolah. ada org kena buat kereta, botol air, banner, tshirt, topi and so on. kemy? kena buat poster. hehe. so, adalah org2 tertentu y kemy kacau mintak gambar sukan *kemy baru prasan y kemy x de gambar sukan huhu*

then hari ketiga kemy x dtg atas sebab2 tertentu hehe... *Siti n Kak Nana n Kak Afifah je tahu.. hehehehe :)

hari keempat (hari last), kitorang siapkan kerja sukan sekolah tu, then kena buat bussiness card. and kena buat kertas kerja. hoho. kemy bantai je kertas kerja tu. bussiness card? simple gila. bussines card kak Nana dgn siti cantek. :)

then, smentara tunggu Puan Hawa datang, skali lagi kemy dgn kak Nana kembali ke dunia kpop hahaha.. alang2 kak Nana bawak laptop kan hehe..
sampai kitorang slalu kena perli dlm kelas ' hah! kpop lagi' , 'tgk kpop!'.. haha.. tp kitorang kena berhati2 takut nnt Puan Hawa masuk atau cikgu Ramly masuk. klkar gile. :)

padahal org lain siap tgk movie lagi.. apala budak2 smart ni.. *keje dh siap, apa lagi, enjoy lee..

bila Puan Hawa dtg, kitorang kena present kerja2 kitorang. hehe.

then bergambar.

serious kemy kata, best sgt klas ni. semua org sporting.

y join kelas ni Asyraf (adik qurrat), Imran, Hairidz, Syafiq (tongga hehe), Saiful, Kak Afifah, Kak Adlina, Kak Nana, dgn Siti. (nama y kemy list ni nama y kemy igt hehe.. ada lagi sbenarnya :) :) :)  )

ok then. tu je psl klas grafik ni. kemy rasa spatutnya dia sambung sampai hari jumaat tu. huhu.

ok lah. buibui
assalamualaikum :)

*HAPPY BIRTHDAY LEE SEUNG HYUN!! (seungri bigbang :) <3 <3)

'nak letak tajok ape eh?'

assalamualaikum ols!

fuhh.. lama kemy x update. :) xde idea :):)

so, lepas PMR ni, kerja budak2 form3 smart, main, main, main, then ada la program y dianjurkan skolah, then ada ~~~~~ (x tau la ada apa lagi.. =,=')

jadi kemy, about 3 minggu terakhir skolah ni, asyik x dtg skolah je.. 'isy3.. apa nk jadi la budak sorang ni..'

first, sbb kemy ada kursus kat cherating tuuu...

second, lps balik dr cherating tu, mls nk pergi skolah jumaat tu..

third, hari selasa tu pulak, baru balik dari kampung, so ponteng je la.. penat. (kehkehkeh) tp mlm tu pergi pulak dinner.. lol

fourth, hari rabu tu plak, kan ada masak2 n sembelih aym tu, tp.. aisy.. kemy nk pergi... tapi... *seganpulenkbagitau

fifth, then, petang rabu tu plak, mak kemy ajak pergi balok ada nk bagi kursus kat sana.. so, kemy pun pergi la.. ponteng hari khamis n jumaat.. *kiranya sluruh minggu ni x hadir skolah langsong.

tp, berbaloi jugak kemy pergi balok tu.. hehehe..
at least, kemy bukan pergi bercuti sesaje kat situ, kemy jadi PA mak kemy and lebih kurang mcm pembantu dkt kursus tu la...  'ceewaahhh'.. sbb mak kemy y kena handle kursus tu. so~~~ apa lagi kan???


dh la. thats all for this post. :)

*iloveBIGBANG lol

assalamualaikum and buibui!! *enjoy your holiday frens!

ehehehe

assalamualaikummmmmmmm~~~~~~~~~~ :) :D :P

ahh.. leganya rasa.. *walaupun pmr x lps lagi, h/w x siap lagi

tp rasa berdebar jugak *tiba2 je..

kemykan, bila bukak blogger, tgk statistic

heheheeheee......
*awt korang rajin sgt tgk blog kemy?!!!

huhu

kemy bukannye rajin update blog, idea ada, tp slalu x berkesempatan. kemy punye blog pun xde la interesting mane cam org lain punye... post2 y kemy tulis pun x best..

so, kemy sdikit *plus 15%  hairan, knp still ada org tgk stiap hari.

kemy bukan nk brlagak apa,

sbbkan,

the fact is, kalau smakin ramai org tgk blog kemy, smakin ramai org follow, smakinlah kemy x slalu post... sbb kemy x suke org baca~~~ *yes i know,, im kinda weird...


huhuhu..

maaflah duhai readers ku...

*kalau kat p-nurmia, xdek pulak org nk baca.. =,='''' baru igt nk majukan blog tu sbb kalau org baca gerenti x phm... :)


oklah..

apa2 pun, doakan kemy berjaya dlm exam PMR, strike for A ok? AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

*kemy, sabo2... sbulan je lagi...huhu

huhu.. ok lah.. jgn salah faham post ni.. apa y kita kene fikir psl org lain ialah fikir positif... biarlah kita x nampak kuman sberang, tp, jgn pulak buta x nampak gjh dpn mata.. BETUL X??

buibui...
assalamualaikum