.

 I thought this is hormonal.

Like how women always have their ups and downs in their moods?

But this is getting too random.

Stretched out and wide, my whole fiber being.

Most of the time, most of the days.

I feel the rush, the need to do something

to complete something, but my body seemed to stuck in a stroked heat.

It's running wild, wilder than it has ever been

That I'm starting to think things I have never ever dare to think before.

Challenging faith in everything I used to so pride in.

The tension within, it's... heavy, weighing everything down.

Dragging almost all the things I used to preach in.

Getting drown in my own air, how is that even possible?

And I can't seem to able to climb myself out.

And nothing pours out. Just stuck within.

Imagine, being stuck physically in one place, while you're actually running wild to places you shouldn't be in.

I tried to scream, but my head's under water.

Not even a muffled cry, no one heard anything.

Comparatively Successful

Salam and hi guys!

It is currently raining heavily at where I'm at right now, and there's something that I want to share about, which has been hovering inside my mind for a few days now. Well, more like a week.

So about few months ago, we were 'viralled' with news of a UUM graduate graduating with  3.99  and hence awarded with Anugerah Pelajaran Diraja (Royal Education Award?). Not only that, the course that she was majoring was pretty new at the time, Bachelor of Law, Philosophy, and Business, and from I've read, this course is pretty difficult, I mean combining law, philosophy, and business? Whose idea is that?

Well it's not just her. My fellow highschool mate was also awarded with the same award, and she also got straight A+ for her SPM. And also all other successful, genius, and amazing stories which always got me thinking, why can't I do that?

Why I can't be like them? Why am I not as excellent in my academic or any other area that I can be heavily proud of?

Once back in school, my senior teacher assistant told us during the assembly the story of the youngest writer in Malaysia that debuted her novel in her teen. My thought back then was, why was it wasn't me? I mean I write stories too, I even write Malay poetry back in school. Why I didn't get any of my work published and have something that I can tell? Something that add value to my self worth?

I don't know if it's just me or there are other people who compares themselves with other people's achievements. Like why can't I be the one?

Until one day my economics lecturer said, rephrased, it is normal for students to fail, or to not get what they want or to achieve their target, you may target A+ for this subject but you might end up with a B instead. These things are normal. It is the hardship of a student that you will have to face.

What she said, has hit me in a way.

She made me realised that, I deserve everything that I have received. And in another thought, I also realised that everyone has different capabilities; different speed at learning, different method of studying, different mental capabilities, everyone is just different. And my difference is what God has given me. The UUM graduate's exceptional academic excellence is what God has given her through her mental capability.

I just have to be grateful with what I have, and acknowledge what is it about me that makes me different from everyone else. I need to believe that I am outstanding in a way, and continuously work to that. Improve and work at my own pace, as long as I'm improving, I am doing it right.

It is unhealthy to comparing ourselves success' and others' success. Everyone leads different life, with different background, different mentality, different support system, and so much more. Although that comparative thought often occur to me unconsciously, as soon as I'm putting down myself in that comparative thought, I need to take a break and count my blessings and be grateful.

I need to teach myself that instead of being negative and comparing my success and others' successes, I should be happy for them, learn from them, and be grateful instead. This way I can lead a happier life while improving it along the way.

I've seen that people on Twitter are quoting the tweet that asks 'what's your toxic trait?' and directly answer the question. I don't like the way people are anwering the question, but here I'm gonna put my answer and it is to constantly comparing myself with people that are known for their early successes, and now I'm going to train myself to not do so anymore, and be happier for people and myself instead.

It is time to really lead a positive life, and rocketing to infinity.

Twitter nation and kindness

Salam 'alayk and hi guys!

I'm sure almost everyone that's tech-savvy has a Twitter account, right? So today, I want to share my concern about what's been going on on Twitter these days, or more like these few years and this thing has been frustrating my brain and my heart and it feels it needed to be let out!

So hear my thought.

All of us, generally since little we have been taught to be kind to people. At home our parents keep telling us to be kind to our siblings and share our toys, or be kind to people and always say thank you and sorry when it's due. At school we were indoctrinated to be kind to people in general, to respect the elderly, to say good morning or say our salaam to the teachers, to be nice to the young and with our peers. What more in Malaysia we have Pendidikan Islam, Pendidikin Sivik, and Pendidikan Moral that focus intensely on moral and ethics for schoolchildren.

Basically we have been taught to always be nice and kind to people. It is a common teaching, regardless of our religions or races. So considering all those 18 years of indoctrination to always be nice and be kind, shouldn't it be a common sense to all of us?

This is what my concern is all about.

On Twitter, every single day, I read and see countless of demeaning and degrading tweets that I found unnecessary. People quote a person's tweet and say bad thing about him/her, people reply to pictures and criticize badly about a person's appearance and such, some just find fault in others' tweets and slap slanders onto others. I don't get it. Where gone all our mannerism and kindness?

I know there are kindness on Twitter. However those are kindness that are obviously shown? Like people help finding their lost kin, donation drive and more. It's obvious those kindness. What I want to emphasize is our daily life, daily conversations that may seem unimportant but shows so much of our manners and attitude and most importantly of our heart.

Especially when people exchanges ideas or knowledge or opinions, I don't understand why some people can't show their disagreement with manners. Do they really have to include profanities in their sentences? Do they have to be mean and degrade the person lowly? Just to show how disagree they are? Is it that important? Is portraying and shoving people your ideas/knowledge harshly that necessary?

I just cannot brain this.

What more with the awareness on mental health these days. People advocate for this awareness, but they don't act with it?

They think saying harsh words on screen would not affect much to people? What, they deserve it? How do you know they deserve all the profanities and curses and the inhospitable words you throw? Like I said, do you really know how their lives has been going on?

Stupid. That's it. I said it. People who pretend to advocate for mental health are stupid for not acting like they are. They know depression is a real issue in Malaysia yet they can't afford to be nice to people they don't know? Brainless. WALK THE TALK PEOPLE!

What makes me mad even more is that the people I often see do this unkind and mean things are those. so. called. tweetfamous. People look up to them, they have thousands and thousand of followers from various background, especially the schoolkids, and these people without second thought would follow what they do. These tweefamous (god I hate this word) think they are holy, free of judgment, always right and all because they have their followers who would support them in whatever they do. Not everyone know that they need to filter the things they read and see and therefore know which to take and apply in their lives or which to frown upon. Not everyone know the practicality of buang yang keruh, ambil yang jernih.

So I got disappointed when some Twitter accounts that I respected do these kind of things. Just.. why can't people be nice?


You might disagree with what I said. It is okay. Everyone have their own perspectives and opinions on this issue (yes I think of this as a serious issue that need to be addressed). I am just.. sad and frustrated over this issue. Seems simple but being kind or being awful unknowingly can impact so much in someone's life.

Berbudi & Berbahasa; Kelemahan Bangsa Melayu

Assalamualaikum dan salam sejahtera!

Dalam kesibukkan dan perasaan yang sungguh stress dengan sistem UIA yang tak membantu pelajar ni, ramai betul yang berbalas kata dekat medsos; antara pihak yang tertindas dan pihak yang rasa tertindas ni manja. LOL

Bila tengok/baca pertingkahan kata antara dua pihak ni, tercetus satu perkara dalam fikiran; Melayu dan budi bahasa. Orang kata Melayu ni terkenal dengan budi dan bahasanya. Sopan santun, baik, lemah lembut. Kekuatan bangsa Melayu paling hebat dari zaman Kesultanan Melaka hingga sekarang (walupun santun sekarang kurang banyaknya).

Walaubagaimanapun, saya rasa budi dan bahasa Melayu inilah yang menjadi kekurangan bangsa Melayu. It's like a double-edge sword.

Kenapa budi dan bahasa milik bangsa Melayu ni satu kelemahan?

Bangsa Melayu ni bahasa yang terlalu menjaga kesantunan. Kalau ikut tradisi bangsa Melayu, bahasa yang digunakan mestilah menyedapkan, tak mengguris hati, berlapik dan menjaga perasaan. Eh tapi tu kan benda bagus?

Betul itu perkara bagus. Yang tak bagus bila ia melibatkan permasalahan, perselisihan, atau masalah penyampaian maklumat. Contohnya; peribahasa Melayu: yang tua dihormati, yang muda disayangi. Tradisinya, yang muda tak punya suara untuk meluahkan, dan yang tua punya kuasa. Dalam kes masalah sistem UIA ni, bila pelajar-pelajar meluahkan perasaan tak puas hati, pelajar-pelajar dihentam kembali sebab berlaku & dianggap biadap, kurang ajar, dan tak menghormati institusi akademik yang mencurahkan ilmu kepada pelajar-pelajar. Apa orang kata, tak berkat? Haa gitulah.

Kalau macam inilah bangsa Melayu, macam mana Melayu nak maju? Kena sentiasa menjaga perasaan dan adab kesopanan? Bukanlah saya kata nak selesaikan masalah ktia kena biadap. Tapi kita kena bezakan antara kebiadapan dan constructive criticism. Kalau betul pun orang tu biadap dalam meluahkan perasaan dia, amalkan peribahasa buang yang keruh, ambil yang jernih.

Orang Melayu ni terlalu ekstrim dalam menjaga tradisi dan budaya. Dalam mereka menjerkah orang muda kerana berlaku 'biadap', mereka juga telah melepaskan 'prinsip' mereka dalam berbudi dan berbahasa. Pertelingkahan yang berlaku antara dua generasi yang berbeza ni secara tak langsung menonjolkan juga sikap tidak professional sebab saling menghentam.

I really hate it when the elder ones think they can dictate the younger just because they are older. It's a form of fallacy, you know?

Percayalah, umur bukan ukuran kematangan dalam berfikir.

Ingat, buang yang keruh, ambil yang jernih.

Little Forest 2018 (Korean Movie)

Salam 'Alayk and hey guys!

So right now I want to share with you guys about Little Forest!

Little Forest is a 2018 korean movie that is relaxing, no-conflict, with nature vibe and aesthetic! I love the cinematography, how they portray the whole movie with that soft green nature vibe. It gave me the feeling of calm and makes me suddenly want to go have a garden for myself.

This is Wiki's synopsis on Little Forest:

The story of a young woman who returns to her childhood home, in a traditional Korean village, after leaving for the big city in pursuit of what turned out to be an elusive dream. When she gets home, her mother isn't there - but her mother's "Little Forest", the many ways in which a single mother successfully made a home for her much loved child, unfurl with a long succession of lovingly sketched details involving mostly food preparation.

The unfurling moments are lightly but lovingly shared with two childhood friends, one of whom also abandoned their elusive dream of success in the big city (Seoul) and the other who is still pursuing the small town equivalent of that elusive dream -- without ever leaving home.

Well the movie doesn't really say about the mother, where she gone to, is she dead or what. But it really focuses on the young woman, Hye Won (by Lee Tae Ri), how she lead her life at her home, while actually running away from her reality.

I know it said about cooking preparation. Yes the movie does show how Hye Won uniquely prepares her food, her sentimental elements on the food she made with memories of her mother, and mostly of Korean traditional food (at least I think it is). But the movie also show how she went to her friend's apple orchard, her own garden, how she made food with vegetables and fruits fresh from her yard. It is just awesome.

And from that part itself, it just shows that nature, trees, there are so much things we can do with them when give to them. You know like the phrase that says if you give to nature, the nature will gives you back (not exactly the words, but that's basically what it means). The nature vibe from this movie, it... it really fits its title, Little Forest.

It's like you have your own little forest. The place you seek tranquility, peace whenever you feel troubled. Or when you're having writer's block, or when you need some inspiration, this little forest is where you'll go to clean up you head and take a deep breath and have a new perspective. It's just supercalifragilisticexpialidocious (which just means amazing, but IT IS AMAZING!)!

After watching this movie, what I had in my head for a whole week was to own an orchard, grow my own food, and open to neighbours and friends and family for self-pick their desired food (and pay by weight). Sounds great. Sound like I could really make it real. #butrealitycheck

Either way, this movie is a must for those who are searching for #goodvibe movie, trying to relax and chill with the loved ones. PLUS, Little Forest won top 11 films from 38th Korean Association of Film Critics Award! Very impressive!

So now go head up to Youtube and search for this movie (yes it's there)! I know I don't tell much what this movie is all about, but I can't spoil the storyline! You have to watch it yourself.

Little Forest, definitely my new favourite movie of a whole new genre.

Pride & Prejudice (2005 movie)

Salam 'alayk and heyya guys!

Today, I am gonna rant on my favourite classic movie; Pride & Prejudice (2005)!

I haven't read the novel, but I just got my hand on the its sister novel, Emma. Either way, I keep falling and falling in love with this movie!

First, it is undeniable that I have a thing with British movies/shows. It's just that there's this aura, the British air that intrigue me so much, like they have so much elegance and their manners in conversing.. is just my type.

ESPECIALLY if it's set in the 15th or 16th century, or anywhere near their enlightenment era. It is just so cool! Plus, one thing I really like about British shows is that they often use sarcasm or joke in a serious way, in which that not all people can detect it. You get what I mean? It's like they have their own way in using sarcasm, that in first sight it doesn't look rude and just their usual elegance way of talking. LOL at me.

Anyway, back to Pride & Prejudice. This is my biggest romance movie ever! The romance is just subtle, it doesn't have that over the top cringy scenes, non of that PDA or excessive skinship, I can say that it is even appropriate for the underage kids.

Both Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennett literally depict the title; pride and prejudice. Mr. Darcy is the person with pride, and Lizzy (Elizabeth) is the one with prejudice towards Mr. Darcy. And both of these pride and prejudice are what stopping them finding their romance in each other at the first place.

My favourite character for this movie is obviously Elizabeth Bennett. She is just so sensible? Like in that era, all girls were all about guys, getting married and such (at least that's what I see from the movie). It was a big deal for them on what age they got married. For example, Lizzy's bestfriend, Charlotte got married at the age of 27, and that was already considered as the late age, everyone else was looking down on her (well except Lizzy. She doted on her). But Lizzy, Lizzy is an avid reader.

Charlotte and Lizzy

Lizzy read a lot of books. Even the intro was on Lizzy walking back home while reading a book. Therefore, that makes her a lot more sensible, more knowledgeable than her sisters. In fact, she was the one who cared the most for her sisters, even more than her parents.

When her older sister Jane became sick at the Bingley's, Lizzy was the most concerned about her, and her parents couldn't care less. Lizzy walked from her house to the Bingley's (I forgot the name of the mansion), that her dress hem was soaked in mud. On other part, Lizzy tried to persuade her father to stop her youngest sister Lydia from marrying Mr. Wickham, because she knows Mr. Wickham was not an honest person.

The Bennet Sisters

Other than that, Lizzy is also her father's favourite, due to her quickness and intelligence in comparison to her sisters. Mrs Bennet was not really favoring her because she's not as pretty as Jane or as 'humorous' as Lydia, but I can say Elizabeth is the most interesting and pretty out of all her sisters.

Aaannd, Elizabeth Bennet was portrayed by Keira Knightley and she was sooooo prettyy in that movie! I. Am. So. In. Love!

Knightley looked so natural, she was not like the top shining bright beauty, but she is beautiful in her own way. I really love her smiles in the movie. How can Mr. Darcy not fall in love with her!

So... yeah. I'm done rambling on Pride and Prejudice, and Lizzy. But only on this blog. I could ramble on this movie on and on for hours, days!

So if any of you guys haven't watch the movie, or read the book, go do it now! I'm sure aside from the slow romance plot line, we can learn a lot on English language and British society in the 19th century (the time setting for Pride & Prejudice).

Women and their hormonal ride

Salam 'alayk and heyya guys!

We all know that generally women would have to go that period of time once a month right? And not everyone (even females) have the idea how torturing and frustrating it is, going through that time.

I, originally was never the type that had to go through painful cramps and terrible mood swings. Mine was always the cool and relax one, I could still have fun and all, to the one point I started questioned why would girls in schools skip school days whenever they entered that phase?

My, my, I regret questioning that.

IT IS PAINFUL! Once while I was walking back from class to my room, I had to stop at the sports center just to sit and crouch. I was sweating. It was like only 2 minutes walking distance to my room, yet I had to stop, because it was excruciating.

On emotional part, so far alhamdulillah I never had that emotional outburst or that sudden temper. But usually I do get easily irritated and annoyed days before. Feels like there's fire in me (I can be superwoman yeah).

But yesterday. Yesterday, I felt like crying out of nowhere. Someone asked my opinion and I felt a tug at my heart. I wanted to study but I couldn't, I was feeling melancholic. But I couldn't cry! That's the thing, and it's double frustrating.

There's this thread on twitter, on women sharing their emotional rides during that time of the month. What they had to go through was much more terrible! Like, she get to eat a good cookie then she outburst in tears? Thank God I am not like that.

Yet, not everyone knows how we feel, what we're going through. They don't know what our biological system in our bodies do to us. They don't understand the feelings we have to go through. They don't get our emotional rides.


May Allah gives people surrounding women a deep understanding on us. May Allah gives us women a huge strength going through our days. Ameen.

My verdict on Bible for muslim schoolkids

Salam 'alayk and good evening.

So around last two weeks, there was a news on Bible being distributed to secondary schoolkids right in front of the school gates. I don't know what's the current update of the case, but there's been quite a lot of 'discussions' and arguments on twitter on whether should Bible be given to schoolkids (Muslim) or not.

*Please note that "schoolkids" onward means muslim schoolkids.
*This article/post is meant for Muslims, therefore 'we', 'our', are referred to the Muslims. However people of other beliefs are welcome to read.

IN MY OPINION

I believe that schoolkids shouldn't be given Bible, or any other religious scriptures. For reasons:

1. Current school's religious curriculum doesn't include on how to 'understand' and 'read' other religions. 

Last time I check, kids were only taught at school on respecting other religions and their religious rights as per Islam teaches. But there is not subject, or topics discussed with the kids, or at least guide the kids on how to learn other religions, what are the basic knowledge needed to do that, the skills, and so on. 

If the kids were allowed to 'study' other religious scriptures, high chances are they might get confused with that religions' doctrines/principles/stories with Islam's.

       2. Schoolkids are still learning and in the process of building their basic belief in Islam (aqidah)

The 3 sifat of Allah (uluhiyyah, rububiyyah, asma' wa sifat), the 99 names of Allah, the creation of Adam and the world, stories of the prophets (pbut) and moral values from Quran. The affirmation on the Oneness of God, that God was not begetteth (created) and God does not begotten (beget a son).

Meanwhile in Christianity there's this Oneness of God, but in Trinity. How are the schoolkids supposed to understand this? Particularly when the Bible propagates this belief in so many different sentences and forms? They might interchanged the meaning of Oneness in Islam with oneness in Christianity.

       3. Lack of guidance in understanding the other religions and in comparing that religion with Islam

Just like how we were taught to learn different cultures, the meanings behind the cultural activities, what makes our culture different with the other cultures, we (especially the kids) also need teachers to learn about other religions. 

Say the schoolkids found out about the Gods in Hinduism and stories of the gods, and they found it so alien upon hearing the stories, how would they understand the essence of the stories and the importance of it in Hinduism? They might just disregard the stories as mythical and not-important.

Plus, learning about religions other than Islam for schoolkids can cause confusion for them. For example, even though Prophet Adam and Eve in Islam is the same as Adam and Eve in Christianity, the storyline and the points shown in Islam are contradictory with that of Christianity.

Who would be responsible for the kids confusion on beliefs in Islam and knowledge on other religions?

These 3 main points meant to show my argument on why Bible shouldn't be given to schoolkids. Unless there are knowledgable adults to guide them, I don't find it necessary for the underage kids to actually READ the other religious scriptures.

However, this doesn't mean that I'm against the culture of learning and respecting other religions. We live in a multicultural and multi religious society, so we're encouraged to learn religious practices like Christmas, Chinese New Year, and Deepavali. 

Religious harmony is important, but put protecting the right beliefs as our top priority.

This is purely my opinions, I am open to civilized discussion, with agree-to-disagree policy (as it involves opinions).

References

1. Cops to interview students, principal over Bible distribution case: Mujahid 

https://www.nst.com.my/news/nation/2018/11/429180/cops-interview-students-principal-over-bible-distribution-case-mujahid

2. My brains.

Efforts that count

Salam 'alayk and heyya guys!

It's currently midnight, and been cool and rainy today.

I always thought it'd be most opportune that I'm having this break (mid-break), that I can finish reading a book or two.

but... it ends just as it is. A thought.

I didn't bring my currently-reading books with me back to hometown, but I do have other books in waiting here. The currently-reading books are 300 pages the least, and all of them are non-fictions. I should've bring one home, so I can continue and finish it. But I didn't. Which means I'd have to pick another new fresh book to read this break (because I want to improve my habit of reading non-fiction books).

However, knowing how I'm in such a slump this week, not in a spirit or so, reading a new book would only increase my currently-reading books list which is not a good thing to me. I can't multi-read. I'd feel miserable and stuffy with it.

Looking through the book stacks (mini bookshelf), I found a 46-pages book I got during a convention I attended at UIA, which is oh-so-perfect for a 5-minutes reading before sleep.

It's a really simple book, about the loving aspect of the Prophet pbuh throughout his life. Finished reading this on the 4th night.

At least there's something I've gained through this read. At least there's something I've accomplished this break, however simple it is.


Anyway, I don't want to break this streak of reading a non-fiction book, so after this I'll just continue by reading a book pdf in my phone (even though it's no fun).

I've downloaded an app for habit tracking called Habits. I'm using this on andoid, I'm not sure if it's available for ios. I got inspired to use an app to evolve my habit through ThomasFrank Youtube video: 21 Apps that FORCE You To Be More Productive. I always watched his videos, whichever I feel related, and the latest was this one. But the app recommended was Stride, but it's not available for android, so I opt for Habits, which is pretty good too.

So one of the habits that I listed in Habits is to read 3 pages of non-fiction book daily. I put 3 pages because I also want to read 3 pages of Arabic book daily, solely to improve my language skill.

So hopefully I'll continue to istiqamah, and managed to get a treak of 30 days!

Chayyok Kemy!

Stronger Spirit

Salam 'alayk and heyya guys!

I have always looked upon to people who always stand up, fight through their struggles, and go for what they want. People who seems like nothing is holding them down. People who can do anything just with themselves.

Pregnant mothers, mothers with kids, people with terminal illnesses, or just people who lack support for what they do.

What I'm feeling right now, is barely half, not even a quarter of what these people experienced. But I'm already feeling tired, devastated, hopelss, there's nothing else I can do. I wish I can be like them.

I am so weak.

There is so many things to do while at home. But I can't seem to get myself to do it. I don't want this a-week-short holiday gone to waste like that. This is the time where I can bond with my parents, this is the time where I can give them some rest. But then, the thing I'm experiencing is halting my spirit, and it goes plummet downward.

Can I borrow the people I looked upon to spirits? Can't they lend me whatever it is thats pushing them? My tribulation is nothing compared to them.

How am I this weak?

The last time I felt like this was when I was sitting for SPM. This is so tiring.


You can do this Kemy. You can.

The Utmost Confident

Salam 'alayk!

Ever since secondary school, when I began to exposed with news and current issues, I got my head wrap on a lot of things. One of it is, how do I raise a child (of my own when I'm married, or adopted child) in this world, and protect him/her from all negativity, harm, and all those things that I wouldn't want my child to see?

This question occurred to me as I see a lot of social problems surrounding me, and as I acknowledge the struggle of parents on raising a child (what more children!), I realised that we as parents (future parent in my case) can control only a small part of a small part of our child life!

I feel nervous and scared when I think of that.

Why I said that because as parents we only have authority on our child over what we see. We can supervise what they watch on tv or Youtube, we can look over who their friends are on social media, we watch over their attitude and verbal usage while at home. BUT NOT WHAT THEY DO OUTSIDE HOME! Out of our sight!

We don't know what kind of friends/classmates they have at school, and the friends background. We don't know what they see or hear along the way of their life growing up. Even worse, we don't know how their mind works! How they perceive things, good things or bad things, things they wanted to try to do, things they adore, figures that they look up to.

...and this thought lead to another thought (apabila sel-sel otak berhubungi inilah hasilnya).

We have never had a total control on things in our life. It is not for us to do that. In our effort on planning and enforcement, we tend to forget the Most Powerful Being that is in power of our life. God. Allah.

This is where our reliance upon God is needed, tested. This is where tawakkal works after we've done our part on effort. We do our absolute best, and we put the rest in the hands of God (please don't take hands literally... this is not Quranic lesson we're taking).


We pray. We pray with all our heart to protect our child (in this case of thought) from all bad things, all bad men, whenever they are out of our sight, even they're in our sights. We pray with our most confidence in God that God will protect our child, give this child blessings in so many ways.

Our faith, in Islam, puts so much importance in belief in Allah. Our Helper. Who we turn to whenever we're lost, sad, or happy.

I just want to emphasis on how important it is to put our utmost reliance upon God. This apply on our whole life, every aspect of our living.

Whatever we do, whenever we're worried about something, pray, and believe in God. He'll do the best for us. He knows what's best for us.

May Allah guides us in everything that we do. Ameen

Current state of mind

Assalam 'alayk and good day guys!

It's been a fairly good semester and I've been enjoying myself with busy days and overdue notes, so yeah. It's great!

No no I'm not being sarcastic! Seriously I feel like I am happy right now, I have no major issues to deal with, non of that overdramatic events to make my life miserable, just everyday things that always kept my life cluttering. huhu

It's a normal thing, right? I mean, no one could ever possibly have that joyous feelings till eternity that it reaches the 7th heaven, unless he/she is crazy. Everyone have their own problems, and that problems are what make life beautiful, and unique. 

It's just that, rather than stressing my brain over endless issues, my brain just can't stop thinking over factless things, or it gets curious over random things.

Like, do fate really get twisted with two persons who are not supposed to meet but just got themselves entwined? Or does human eye perceive lights as rays/wave or its the light particles that hit the eye?

Reaaaally random.

Plus with all those annoying irritating hot issues on socmed, particularly twitter on child marriage, LGBTQ+ (I still don't get what that Q and + stand for), laundrette cases, manners, and so on. I even got myself caught in an argument with a stranger on child marriage. ... I really hate it when a person virals a statement that he/she disagree with. It's just, childish. You want to argue/debate, then use your rational not your emotion. #sigh

BTW, I am totally hooked on water colouring! It is comforting, my form of healing. Especially the wet on wet technique, I just pat on some colour and let the water nature work on it. Just beautiful and wonderful! My works all caught on skies, nature, and galaxies. Because that are what work best with wet on wet technique, I can use trains of colours and voila!- a new eye-catching art has done.

Anyway, I just uninstalled Instagram on my phone, because I found it distracting. Not only in the form of constantly-looking-at-my-phone, but also in the form attention-seeking. Attention seeking is not healthy, and I think I'm at the bridge of entering that zone. So, gotta calm myself and go back with the real world. #andalsoavoidingthatcertainsomeone

Have a nice day, and may Allah bless us all!

Short semester

Salam 'alayk guys!

Right now I'm in my second week of my 2nd short semester, and I have to say so far it's going great except for my time management *coughcough.

I registered tahfiz and Arabic for Occupational Purposes for this short semester. Tahfiz is not really like the generally tahfiz, I just have to memorize the first juz of the Quran, so every class is basically tasmi' session. Alhamdulillah I managed to catch up so far, mayeb because I've prepared earlier and memorized 4 pages before class starts.

Meanwhile for Arabic for Occupational Purposes (AOP), it's an alright I guess. Even though my Arabic isn't my strongest, but I think I'll survive and improve.

But the thing is... I just know that I CAN CHOOSE between AOP or EAP (English version of AOP). And I just heard that theday before yesterda. I was like what??!!!

I should've know that earlier!

But maybe God knows best. I mean I did intend to improve my Arabic skills during this short semester. I want to be at least fluent in speaking before I graduate. So I have to work for it, and maybe AOP is one of the ways I can improve myself.

And maybe I'll get the chance to work in Dubai later on. hohohoo


Other than that (the classes), on the first Thursday morning (like early morning the day wasn't warm yet) BroSyarief called me. Which was rare. He called to invite me to his 8am session, reading shortstories in arabic language.

So after I intended to improve my 3rd language skills, of course that's like a fish to cat to me! So I agreed. But it started 8am that day. And I was frantic, I had like 50 mins top to get ready, I haven't even had breakfast yet! ...and so I rushed to get ready and skipped breakfast and managed to grab a water bottle along the way. huhu

Which means, I have 8 am classes/sessions every morning aside Friday! As joyful as that sound, 8 am class isn't what I fond of. I loathe 0830 class, what more an 8 sharp every day?!

But I guess I'll survive. I can do this!


So that's it for my short semester. I hope I'll continue to be greaaaaat and have great days everyday and manage my time properly and make notes! and also to make use of my youthful days.

Hence I'm going hiking tomorrow with Hz which I am so excited about! Can't wait!


Have a nice day guys!

Being Mak-mak and Owning A Home

Salam 'alayk guys! And good morning!

So last Friday I went out with my friend Hz (you can pronounce it as Hertz lol) to IOI Putrajaya. Initially we were supposed to go for hiking that evening at Bukit Gasing, PJ, but me being a sucker for nasi lemak, I persuaded her to postponed the hiking and continue with casual hangout, so that I can succumb myself to nasi lemak at my sister's. LOL!

She picked me up around 11 am, then we went straight for breaklunch at Seoul Garden. Honestly, I don't think Seoul Garden is my thing (even though I was the one proposed for Korean food). Because I can't eat those grilled food without nasi, but if I eat them with nasi, my stomach can't fit with more food! BECAUSE SEOUL GARDEN IS ALL ABOUT STUFFING YOUR STOMACH WITH LOTSA FOOD!

But I found the great soup that suits my taste. I think it's Tomyam Kimchi Stew, it doesn't taste like kimchi at all, but almost like general tomyam at tomyam restaurants. Even Hz agreed that the usual Seoul Garder Tomyam soup doesn't taste much, like it consists of too much spices I think.

Then after ending our luncheon with ice cream, we went round the floor just to walk and calm our almost-bursting stomach, and end up in Harvey Norman. and guesswhat? We didn't only cuci mata at gadgets corner, but also to the rest of the store!

We looked at washing machines. getting awe at the very modern and almost robotic like machines (they were so cool! and also creepy), then choosing what would be our pick, then dreaming of being rich. Then we went to the refridgerator section, and the cycle goes on.

The refrigerator section was where we spent most our time on in Harvey Norman. Those fridges have all kind of characrteristics and the interiors! Most of the time we look at which fridge has the coolest door... Then continue dreaming of being millionaires.

We can only dream.

But really I swear if I own a house and have kachingkaching I'd go and look for the best machines/items/furniture in creating my home. I have my visions on how I want my home to be, well almost English-like. Plus I really enjoyed looking at Keknis' and her mom's ig account, just to look at how they decorated their homes.

I'm really starting to feel like mak-mak you know. But without kids, and obviously without husband. Also a house. Huhu


Afterwards we just went cuci mata at Daiso (a must-stop-by), ToysRUs (and lost my Rebbit's ears *sobs*), Yubiso and bought a scented candle that doesn't smell very much, anddd mostly to satisfy my purse. Poor Hz that doesn't enjoy makeup had to bear with me shopping and cuci mata at makeup stores.


Then we ended our outing and she sent me back to my sister's around 5 pm because she needed to pick up her grandfather after that.


Now eventhough I don't think I spent much that day except on food, I hope that I won't splurge this Friday and just concentrate on hiking.

Yeay Hiking!

Calling names and labels

Salam guys!

I've been wanting to vent out about this issue for months now, but only now I have the time and motivation.

Post GE14, I noticed a lot of unpleasant names and callings being made to some politicians, and I don't get why people would do that because that is just unethical and absolutely rude.

Even more, these brainless people have slandered some individuals with labels that I am pretty sure they themselves don't know what it means, such as liberal.

Like hello you called Dr. Maszlee as liberal but have you ever flip the dictionary or read articles about what it is all about???


I get it these people are not in the same boat with the victims of their callings, but that doesn't give them the green light to keep on insult people publicly. Have they realised that they just showed how shallow and fact-less they are? Reading comments and tweets on social media really portrayed what kind of people dominating the virtual of Malaysia.

Imagine the adults been advising kids to behave and be polite to others and their friends, and that calling names are sinful, has been doing the same thing on keyboards. How hypocrite!

Well, not only post GE14. But also towards celebrities and famous individuals! This kind of attitude has got me wonder that the doers must be a vengeful and full of negativity kind of person. THe kind of person that we should avoid.

Has they got a better thing to do? Is it so pleasant and wonderful to call names and do slanders? are their life that grande and perfect that they have the audacity to insult people?

I have no idea. Because apparently my brain cannot brain this kind of people.

A miniscule step into adulthood, with Headache!

Salam'alayk guys!

It's the 4th week of the semester, and here I am today in misery thinking of my internship.

Courtesy of Mr. Ever Generous Google

There are so many things to do! I have to look for possible placement, study them, then work on my CV and resume (I'm gonna die for this! I barely have anything to fit into my CV!), and on top of that I DO want to intern at big GLC or MNC company that can benefit me in so many ways so I can prep myself for the after-graduation world!!!

*deep-breathe*

I'm not sure if I'm the only one who get headache and worrisome over internship. Because I do have some expectations and targets for my future career. One thing important is I don't want to work at some jabatan agama Islam.


But whatever about all that, now how am I going to build my resume and CV and make them appealing and yummy to my targeted future employers?

I've searched for some tips regarding CV, and I believe it is during this golden period of studies I can expand my expertise and knowledge with ease (or at lesser price). Some of the tips are to go for workshops, outside classes (like IIUM SMART offers Academic Literature Review class, or SPSS at cheaper price for students), or even signing up for online classes (there are loads of them for free!).

ALSO it is suggested for me to join any extra-curricular activities (which I was good at only during CFS and highschool) or get myself a leadership title with huge burden on my shoudlers. Hah. Honestly I've stopped joining any lineup or organising committee (I used to enjoy being one) because I feel it'd be tiresome to have night meetings at the center of the campus, and to rush for dues while studying for classes and assignments. I just need to concentrate on my studies (which starting to unsink from the deep sea).

And... lastly to totally benefit the internship with softskills and so on. When the purpose of me doing my CV for internship. *sigh.


Any idea guys? I reaaaally want to intern at big company so I can learn more on how an organisation operate at organise manner when the business is from east to the west. And also so I can work on my career plan.

Still working on it. working on it. .. ...



and I know my 2018 resolution is to write twice within a week. I'm so good at bluffing.


...Chayyok Kemy!


p/s: took the CV tips from The Guardian

Pandangan Terhadap Tarbiah Sentap

Assalamualaikum dan salam sejahtera!

Tarbiah Sentap di sini bukanlah sejenis cara mentarbiah orang dengan kasar dan sinis, tetapi Tarbiah Sentap yang akan diulaskan adalah penerbitan Tarbiah Sentap, buku-buku Tarbiah Sentap yang diterajui oleh Ustaz Adnin Roslan.

 Saya mula mengenali tentang Tarbiah Sentap pada awal-awal tahun pengajian asasi di PJ, status-status Tarbiah Sentap di Facebook kerap dikongsikan oleh rakan-rakan kerana isinya yang begitu jelas dan terang tanpa berdalih. Kemudian, saya juga ada baca blog Tarbiah Sentap, atas dasar ingin tahu, dan rasa ingin membaca, sebab kenapa tidak?

Tarbiah Sentap tidaklah mengutuk atau menghentam individu-individu atau organisasi secara spesifik, bagi saya mereka hanyalah menyebutkan apa yang sedang berlaku pada zaman penuh hiburan ini, dan menghuraikan hukum-hukumnya dalam Islam sama ada ianya harus, sunat, wajib, makruh ataupun haram.

Sejujurnya saya suka membaca tulisan-tulisan Tarbiah Sentap sebab ianya sangat jelas dan tidak berlapik dengan kata-kata manis. Tarbiah Sentap tidak cuba menghalalkan apa yang haram, sebaliknya teguh dengan ajaran Islam dengan setegasnya.

Untuk sebilangan orang, mungkin cara ini sedikit ekstrem. Kalau diikutkan apa yang dianjurkan oleh Tarbiah Sentap, begitu banyak sekali amalan harina kita hari ini (termasuk saya juga) yang boleh mendorong kita ke arah keburukkan, atau bahasa 'buku-agama': ke lembah kehinaan.

Saya yakin itulah sebabnya mereka namakan penerbitan dan buku-buku mereka Tarbiah Sentap. Kerana isinya begitu jujur dan telus mengenai keadaan Islam zaman kini, yang membuatkan ramai yang tersentap dan terasa sendiri kerana sedarnya betapa sasarnya mereka dari jalan yang sepatutnya.

Tiga siri buku Tarbiah Sentap, dan 2 buku lain terbitan Tarbiah Sentap saya miliki dan baca.

Dari Kiri: Tarbiah Sentap 3, Tarbiah Sentap 2, Tarbiah Sentap, Momento, Kerna Syurga Bukan Percuma

WALAUBAGAIMANAPUN betapa bagus usaha-usaha penerbitan Tarbiah Sentap ini, begitu ramai yang saya jumpa meluahkan rasa bahawa Tarbiah Sentap ini penuh dengna negativiti.

Kata mereka, Nabi saw tidak menganjurkan tarbiah atau didikan secara sentap, berdakwah haruslah berhikmah, tarbiah secara kasar hanya akan membawa umat Islam menjauh dari Islam.

Saya rasa begitu banyak persoalan tentang pandangan-pandangan mereka mengenai Tarbiah Sentap ini.

Pertama, pernahkah mereka membaca tulisan-tulisan, hasil dan buku-buku Tarbiah Sentap?
Kedua, tahukan mereka apa maksud berdakwah secara berhikmah?
Ketiga, mereka menafikan Tarbiah Sentap atau mereka menyedapkan hati sendiri?

Siri buku Tarbiah Sentap

Persoalan-persoalan ini timbul difikiran kerana tidaklah bacaan saya tulisan Tarbiah Sentap ini kasar dan sinis dalam berdakwah atau menegur. Bagi saya, Tarbiah Sentap hanyalah direct to the point dalam menyampaikan dakwah mereka, yang juga mengikut Al-Quran dan Sunnah. Segala isi kandungan Tarbiah Sentap begitu rapat kaitannya dengan masalah sosial di kalangan remaja kini, dan inilah antara usaha mereka untuk membantu masyarakat berubah ke arah yang lebih baik.

Mengenangkan hal ini, sejujurnya saya rasa mereka-mereka yang menafikan Tarbiah Sentap ini, hanyalah kerana mereka mendengar Tarbiah Sentap dan terus membayangkan dakwah-dakwah yang penuh sinis dan cercaan tanpa membaca isi-isinya, ataupun mereka dalam self-denial kerana begitu banyak isi yang dikemukakan dalam tulisan Tarbiah Sentap kena padanya.

Ini adalah tulisan di belakang setiap siri buku Tarbiah Sentap, Untuk Siapakah Buku Tarbiah Sentap Ini.

Pada pendapat saya, Tarbiah Sentap hanyalah ingin menyedarkan Umat Islam, terutamanya dalam kalangan remaja bahawa hidup ini tak selamanya, dan hidup di dunia ini adalah ujian. Sesungguhnya kita bernafas dengan izin Allah, dan kita bernafas juga untuk Allah. 

Untuk mereka-mereka yang menafikan tulisan-tulisan Tarbiah Sentap dengan alasan tarbiah yang sentap itu tidak bermanfaat, pergilah lihat akaun Twitter Iblis Terlaknat dan bagaimana akaun tersebut berdakwah secara sinis dan sentap. Dan lihat juga jumlah followers dan retweets.

Mereka-mereka yang menafikan Tarbiah Sentap tidak dapat menerima hakikat tentang kebenaran yang terdapat dalam tulisan-tulisan Tarbiah Sentap. 

Akaun Twitter Iblis Terlaknat tidaklah salah bagi saya, malah akaun tersebut sebenarnya juga berusaha untuk berdakwah dengan caranya tersendiri. Mungkin orang suka kerana bahasanya yang 'muda', jika dibandingkan 'buku-agama' Tarbiah Sentap.

Sekian, pendapat dan pandangan saya berkenaan Tarbiah Sentap.

WELCOME 2018! New Year New Self, eh really?

Salam and hey guys!

Hope it's not too late to make a welcome post on refreshing 2018!

It's refreshing because I think it's been quite a ride on 2017 globally; the Trump issues (he's made A LOT), Jerusalem and Al-Quds Masjid, and to go particular in Malaysia people have been so anxious about incoming General Election which could come in anytime by now (a gently reminder for you guys to register as voter if you haven't!). Then some gossips on certain celebrities, news on death of SHInee Jonghyun and the issue came after within Muslims. In general, I can say that maybe to some people 2017 has been bad for them.

So hence the refreshing 2018! People have many expectations on incoming days and months, new year marks new events and focus!

Let's hope that most of us can focus on positive and brighter things this year!

Talking about welcoming new year, on social media like Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook the hashtag #NewYear has been trending since 30th Disember, alongside captions "New year new self", "Time to open new book", or of some sorts.

I generally don't really celebrate the event of New Year. It's just a normal day for me, maybe some reminder that it's 2018 now and not 2017 because I often wrote past year for dates, and that is embarassing. huhu

But somehow this time I wanted to make a different; making some resolutions and goals for 2018. I've entered 21 of age, and I think it's best if I make some notes on what I should change or whether I've improved as I aged. It's more on self-reflection really.

So these are my resolutions that I've chosen for 2018 (so I can keep up with them).

1.       MAINTAIN A PLANNING ROUTINE

2.     ESTABLISH A MORNING ROUTINE

3.     WAKE UP AT 6AM

4.    WORK OUT EVERY MORNING

5.     VISION THE DAY IN THE MORNING

6.    READ FOR 15-30 MINS EVERY NIGHT

7.     CREATE A MONTHLY FOCUS

8.     FOLLOW A MONTHLY BUDGET

9.    WRITE JOURNAL/DIARY EVERY WEEK

10.GO FOR WALKS REGULARLY/ SOLO DATES

11.    A BOOK A MONTH

12.  BE EARLY TO CLASSES/MEETINGS/DATES

13.  MAKE NOTES FOR EVERY SUBJECTS

14. BIRTHDAY WISHES AND PRESENTS FOR FAMILY

15.  BLOG TWICE A WEEK

16. ROAD TO INSTAGRAM AESTHETIC

17.  PRAY ON TIME

18.  RECITE QURAN DAILY

19. SAY THANK YOU

20. BE GRATEFUL, BE PROUD AND LOVE YOURSELF

TO A BETTER SELF!

It's not much, I know. There's only two for my studies, and the rest are more to self-organizing and spiritual matter. I believe that if I could improve on my daily schedules, eliminate procrastinating, my studies will improve too!

(OH and see that no. 15? Once two weeks isn't much to people but knowing myself... Better starts slow!)

I even wrote it up on my bujo so I can keep track of them on my daily routines! (or monthly).

However, even though I got myself 20 goals and resolutions to improve myself throughout the year, I wouldn't use the phrase "new year new self". Stepping into 2018 doesn't mean I've become a new person. I may shed some negativity and tried to be in new perspectives, but that is not me transforming into a new person.

People don't change overnight. It's difficult if they want to. In this new year, I am still myself, I am still with my personality, but better. I am proud of what I have become, and I will change what I am not proud of.

Not just that, I'm not approve of using "time to open new book", because that means I'm going to close 2017 and shut it behind. If I put my past behind my sights, I won't be able to see what I've done, what I've achieved in the past year. I can't learn from my past mistakes, and see what I should change. 

I don't know about other people, but I just don't agree on being a new person on new year or any other day and putting our pasts behind. It's not that I like to drag on and think of the past, it's about what I can learn from it, make new things with it.

Either way, I've given you guys my thoughts on celebrating new year and 20-New-Year-Resolutions!

May we all achieve our goals this year and be a better self for ourselves and people surrounding!

p/s: It's never late to start, or to change! New year is just a date, you can start anytime you want to, but it's best to be soon!

Lessons from Kimi Ni Todoke (both manga and anime)

Salam 'alayk guys! And good morning too!

So as I have promised, I will talk/discuss/type on further about one of my favourite anime/manga ever, Kimi Ni Todoke! (although it's been a month already).

I'm sure everyone who likes anime and manga have heard of this title and even watched them, the anime and live action movie! The live action movie is just so cute and adorable, I love the actress that portrays Kuronuma.

So cute.

Ok ok. Back to topic. I first watched the anime, then read the manga (because I couldn't get over how cute Kuronuma*Kazehaya). Therefore I'll start with what I've learnt from the anime, then from manga, because the manga is still ongoing and has extended until their 3rd year of high school (the story starts from freshman year).

First of all, I don't know if I'm the only who feels this, but from the anime I can assume that the Japanese are so expressive with their feelings..?? Like they will just say out loud what's been on their mind, with honesty, and I think that is really cool. It seems like they prefer to have the other party to understand how they have been feelings, or it's just Kuronuma.. hahaha

Second, Kuronuma is such a tidy and optimistic girl! Can I borrow her optimism for the rest of my life??!!!

Third, honestly there's not much that I took lesson of from the anime.

What really impacted on is the manga.

Only one point.

It is how the classroom teacher, actually told the students to think of what they wanted to do after high school when they were only junior in highschool. They still have 2 more years until graduation, but they have been pushed to think of their future, of what they wanted to do, whether they want to stay and help with family business, or further studies in universities, and if they choose the latter one they would have to think on their preferred profession, WITH THE GUIDE OF THE TEACHER!

You see, in Japan, they teach the students to plan their future. They teach the students to find what they want to do, and help them to pursue it. They are trying to fully utilize their human resource by not wasting every talent and interest the students have!

Meanwhile in Malaysia, at least when I was still in school, people just asked "what's your ambition?", "what you wanted to do in the future?" just to fulfill the introduction requirement for ice breaking. No going further than whats-your-ambition.

Back then there were lots of typical answers: teachers, policemen, pilot, doctors. Even one time I opened Biology textbook to look for an answer, and I picked virologist. (Hey, I did get A for my Bio!). Students were encouraged to have doctor or engineer as their ambition, but were never guided on how to reach them. Oh wait, they did! "If you want to be a doctor you have to get straight A's for SPM!". Fullstop.

That's it. THAT WAS IT.

Watching and reading Kimi Ni Todoke make me realised how much I wasted my teens not planning my life career. How I've been missing on my interests and passions.

Why I said so?

Because after SPM, I didn't know what I wanted to pursue. I've always have this vision of owning a book-cafe, but majoring in Business Admin was not an option (I'm sure my father be against it due to tight job market). I like sciences but I couldn't continue in Matriculation Science stream because the one I got offered was like at the end of the world and my mom wouldn't want it. 

I didn't filled in my UPU with science major because my mom predicted I wouldn't be able to make it, because I had hard time with addmaths (but I do like maths and got B for addmaths). 

And in the end, I guess I was lost and I didn't study well about options available I ended in Islamic courses for my undergrad studies. It's not bad, really, but my weakest point, even weaker than addmaths is Arabic language, so I had to struggle a lot, I even broke down and dysfunction few times.


My point here is, I feel so regretful I didn't find out what I like, what I wanted to do before I finished my SPM. Now, after few years, I know I like maths (always), I like history, arts, business. These are the things that I have passion on and I found it a bit later than I should.

Feeling this way, I think non of my juniors should feel lost after SPM, or feeling discouraged in college, just because it's not what they wanted to do. Students deserve better.

If they say they wanted to be a teacher, then explain to them that they need to go to UPSI for best options, need get straight A's to be accepted. Doctor? A+ for sciences subjects, and if they want to pursue it overseas, see which scholarship suits them, so they know how to strive.

Highschool/Secondary school students need to be guided on how they are going to achieve their ambitions, so they know what they wanted to do. Don't let them study hard for the sake of brilliant SPM results, only to get lost after. Make them study so they can get what they want, so they can do what they wanted to do.

Don't be like me.